March 794

March 1st, Imperial Year 794
Ferron has said nothing to me since last nights meal. He hasn't been cold, just thoughtful and silent. I wanted to lay beside him again tonight, hoping that that would have helped him, but Ghost is staying till tomorrow, so that wasn't an option for me. Work around the Crow today was very light, mostly i assisted Eleana in taking inventory of the crew's rations and the weights of each supply. It still amazes me how much it takes to go on each voyage. I only wish I could go with them.

March 3rd, Imperial Year 794
Nothing happened yesterday but rain. No conversations. No planning. No inventory. Just a slow steady rain that washed away every effort and every thought leaving the crew in a sleepy, lazy daze. Ghost departed before first light, saying she feared the rain would start before she reached Ganderu. She woke me to say she was leaving. 
Ferron finally broke his silence today, though I must say his words angered me. He said he had been considering all the options available, and that he felt it best I return to the Oryn Mansion! I could tell it bothered him to suggest it, as his accent was thicker that usual, and he wouldn't look me in the eyes. He said that with no one but Quin would be at the Crow, and that I needed to be where people could look after me. He said he wasn't asking me to return to my father, but to return to Rosalie and Alder. That he hoped that I could find peace with my father soon, as the truth of the matter was that I was the only thing he had.
I told him very gruffly that I would consider out of respect for his opinion, but that I had not the slightest intention of returning to that horrible house.
He sighed and turned away, looking entirely dejected.

I will never return to that place.



March 2nd Imperial Year 794
Today was another slow quiet day. More numbers. I spent most of the day in my books. I will go to the university.



March 8th, Imperial Year 794
I am writing from the darkness of the silent dining hall. Even Quin has yet to wake. I have decided to do as Ferron begged and return to my fathers house. I slipped into Ferron's room last night after everyone seemed to have fallen asleep. He was turned with his back to the room, but I could tell he wasn't sleeping. I sat gently on the edge of his bed and waited to see if he would speak. I feared he might be angry, as we have had little to say to one another in the last week or so. He turned to face me and sat up, propped on his elbow. His face was hidden by shadow, but I could tell he was frowning deeply. I whispered that I was agreeing to go.
He sat the rest of the way up and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his firm chest and resting his chin on my head. "I'm sorry, Genna, I really am." He whispered, His accent almost recognizably thick. I whispered that it was my decision, and that I understood his reason for suggesting it. He nodded, sighing. He pulled me down onto the bed beside him and we lay there for what seemed like years. Wallowing in the sorrow that was our inevitable separation. He didn't want me to go back to that house I hated so. He didn't want Daniel to be able to reach me. He didn't want to leave me alone, while he was off at sea. And I didn't want him to let me go. Not ever. I woke not long ago and felt the need to tell you what I had chosen. I feel writing makes it permanent, so I cannot change my mind. I will go now. It is only a short time until we must go our separate ways, and I wish to hold him for every second I have left.



March 9th, Imperial Year 794
Father excepted me into the house grudgingly and silently. I gave him my books, all assigned tasks completed. But he only grunted and passed them to Edgar. I have retired to my room and intend to remain here until Ferron returns.


March 11th, Imperial Year 794
I find that now I have tasted labor I cannot in good conscience sit in my room and wait to die. Miss Fran was most confused by my request to assist her, as she was also confused by my early rising. She offered to let me mend some of the dish cloths, as she had yet to find the time herself. I gratefully excepted. 

Rosalie was thrilled to have me back in the house and has been excitedly telling me about their inn, how within the next week she and Alder should be able to move, and that I was welcome to come along. It seems that she and Alder have chosen to call it the Sparrows Nest, though I feel this was Rosalie, and Alder just didn't wish to argue.

I cannot wait to see the Sparrows Nest Boarding house.



March 17th Imperial Year 794
I can't stand it any longer! Today was the first that Father has said a single word to me. He came into the kitchen snatched away the curtain I was mending and demanded to know where had had lost my class! He said that I had become a classless filth, that I had sunk to the level of one he might hire to the scullery or the fields, and that he could not recognize me as a daughter of his. I snatched the curtain back and demanded that I was a better woman now then he had ever made me, and if he wanted a lazy brainless dolt he should have bought a puppet. He said he no longer recognized me, and that he never wanted to lay eyes on me again. That I was to stay in my room until I remembered what it meant to be a lady.

I wish I could cut away my hair and go on a voyage with the Baccarat crew. I hate this life.


March 18th, Imperial Year 794.
Rosalie and Alder left this morning early. Alder had taking a job on the pier in Swallows Cove, and Rosalie is going to have her hands full managing the Swallows Nest.

It was a tearful parting even thought she is less that one hours travel, I feel as if it is the last time we shall meet. Not for fear of the distance. But for fear that the darkness and hatred that breeds in this house will swallow me.
Rosalie has offered to allow me to move in to the Swallows nest once she has it set up. I don't think I will be able to wait. I'm sure I can find some purpose to fill there.


March 22nd, Imperial Year 794.
I know I have been silent for several  days, but what was I to say? We are like shadows, like mere phantoms, never crossing paths, only a momentary gimps out of the corner of the eye, and nothing more. The only thing that is clear is the void where love should be, the hallow place where mother was, and the animosity that remains between Father and I.

I am packing my things and leaving tomorrow. I'm sure Rosalie will understand.



March 22nd, nearly midnight.
I went to Fran, she seemed to know what I planned to say as she looked up from her work with a grim expression. She asked that I at least take the bundle she had packed for me, and that I not forget that family is heart not blood, that she would forever be there for me. I nodded and hugged her. Oh, how I shall miss her. She has been so wonderful to me!
I went to the stable, at a loss as to what I was to do without Alder there to help me. I was trying my best to remember all that Alder had tried to teach me, but this was an unnecessary headache as Edgar was waiting for me, the carriage ready to go. He spoke not a word, and I had none I wished to share. The ride was silent and morbid, as if it was the end of the world.

I suppose, as I am saying goodbye, then it is.

Rosalie came rushing out and pulled me into a tight hug, she nearly wept for both joy and sorrow. She said that she was glad to see me, but that my appearance meant I would never be going home. I agreed and with that I broke. I cried like I have not cried in years. All the anger, pain, fear, and worst and most painful, the realization that I was alone in the world for the first time. I could never return to my father. He died even before Mother. He died the day the doctor said we should prepare to say good bye. The man I left behind was a corps, and I had buried him.

Rosalie gave me the attic space, though it has nothing in it, I will make a home of it for now. The bundle Fran gave me was a bed roll and some blankets. It also contained the medicine for my chest, should I take ill.

I am going to rest now. I will find a way to help Rosalie tomorrow. I am not a child any more, and I must earn my own way now.


March 29th, Imperial Year 794.
I am furious! Livid! I have been working so hard helping Rosalie to finish the Sparrow's Nest that I had forgotten that it was my birthday, and to be woken by a loud persistent knocking on the doors before we had even started breakfast was annoying to start, but to see Daniel standing there, box in hand and gasping out a proposal was intolerable! He insisted I except his birthday gift and that I go "away from this dilapidated hovel" as I deserved better. I quite dearly threw the knife at him I was so angry! I informed him that this place, though perhaps lacking in the finery he was so accustomed to, was filled with humility, honesty, and joy, things he would be most unfamiliar with. That I was bored to death of his relentless attempts at swaying me, when in fact all he was doing was making it so I was sick of looking at him. that he was best to leave or I may well forget my lady like mannerism and teach him what a sailor I could be! He hissed at me that I was indeed a wench and that he deserved better. I agreed stating that that fancy of his in Ganderu was most certainly more that he deserved and that I hoped she was as superficial, manipulative and selfish as he was.
He stormed off.
At that Alder and Rosalie, who had been silent bust into hysterical laughter. I was not nearly so amused.

The entire rest of the day was quiet and normal. We finished the bedrooms and are planing on setting the dining room tomorrow, as the doors will officially open tomorrow. Rosalie had baked a small cake at some point, though how is beyond me. We decided to spend the remainder of the evening relaxing and celebrating that I had "Slay my own damn dragon" as Alder so gracefully put it.

I am looking forward to the future, and though the work is much harder that I could have imagined, and I still suspect that both the Baccarat's and Rosalie have been sheltering me, I look forward to the future.

Reviews

[R Smith]

excellent writing Kitalia, you know how much I like this story so I guess it needs no repeating, its enough to say that you storytelling is remarkable and interesting and the plot keeps me wanting more, so very well done :)