February 794

February 3rd Imperial Year 794
I dreamed of mother last night. She told me to hold fast to what I believed, for I was stronger then I knew. When I woke I went to her room to tell her. I knew she wouldn't be there. Though I still feel the anger and the pain, I have accepted that she is gone. Still, I sat on the edge of the bed, there in the dark and spoke to her as if she has never gone. It was odd, but it helped me to feel more at ease. 
I am letting go. I have decided. I will not marry Daniel, and I will not pursue Ferron. I am better then that. I am strong. I will find my own path and even if they try and break my wings I will still find the strength to fly.



February 4th Imperial Year 794
I went with Rosalie and Alder to see their inn today. It is only a flat foundation right now, but Alder has been working on it, and Rosalie has spent every spare moment quilting, and tatting lace for it. Sparrow's cove is such a lovely pace, though it is so small. It has a single street running up the hill and ending in an empty lot where they plan to build a church. The Inn is just about mid way between, and will have a house on either side. There is a general store about two lots down, and the rest are small stalls for farmers and fishermen. The town is almost entirely houses. I can't wait until they open the doors, though it means they will be leaving Eaux Reves. At least it is only about a half an hour on foot, so visiting will be a simple task.



February 9th Imperial Year 794
I know I have not been writing much lately, but I have not had much to say. My lessons arrived this morning, it is a series of books that I am to read, and follow the direction that has been written in the included notebook, then return once I have done so. I hope that soon I will be strong enough that I actually can go to the University. I shall be thankful for the lessons and say nothing more.



February 11th Imperial Year 794
Ferron is back. He stopped Alder to ask if I was able to meet him at Ghosts cabin. He spent more then an hour talking with father. He is determined to gain employment, no matter how long it takes.
I was sitting reading when he finally came in. As soon as I stood he flew across the room and pulled me close saying he had missed me, that every dream he had was about me. I asked him why he was so bent on working for father. He said he wasn't, he was bent on working close to me. That it was taking to long, so he couldn't hold off on telling me.
When I asked him what he wanted to say he kissed me! Not a quick peck, but a deep and passionate kiss. One that quickened my heart and warmed me to the core.
He apologized, but I could see in his expression that he didn't mean it, that he had no qualms with what he had done.
So I asked him what he would do if father never hired him. He pouted saying that he would just run away and become a feared pirate so that he could steal me away!
I laughed at the idea of him as a pirate, but he insisted. We talked well into the evening about Ghost, and about how father was being stubborn. He told me stories from his homeland of such strange and fantastic things. It was nearing dinner when he finally decided to head back to town, taking a piece of my heart with him.

Ferron loves me. He Loves Me. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me.

No matter how many times I write it I still feel the thrill. He loves me and has been trying to avoid his feelings until he could prove his worth. Finally he is seeing that father is never pleased. Finally.

My dearest friend, Ferron Rowe Loves me!



February 13th Imperial Year 794
Father made an announcement over dinner today. He has informed me that I am to marry Daniel in December. I don't know what madness he is suffering, but I will never marry Daniel! I don't know why he finds this so hard to understand.
I told him that it didn't matter when the wedding was, because I would not be there.
He slammed the table so hard the glasses fell and demanded that I go to my room until I have come to my senses.



February 14th Imperial Year 794
Father came in at lunch to ask if I was well, and if I wanted to talk about it. I said that there was nothing to discuss, as I was never going to marry Daniel.

He stormed from the room.
I am packing my books and only the cloths I must have. I refuse to stay here. I'll find the way that Ghost travels so fast and I'll turn my lessons in my self.



February 15th Imperial Year 794
Eleana stood as soon as I opened the door to the Crow. She lead me to her room and demanded to know why I was back. So I told her. I explained everything from my fathers madness as he insists on me marrying Daniel, About Daniel's persistence despite his ongoing courtship with another woman. About Fathers violent reactions to my refusal to follow his directions.

She sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, saying that if I was willing to help around the place I could stay under their lease, but that I had to pull my weight. I agreed without hesitation, though I warned her that I was not so good at most tasks.
She said it didn't matter and that she would talk to the captains.

She isn't fond of the idea of Ferron and I sharing a room, and had a curtain installed dividing the room in half. I don't see why, when Lana and Birdie have already made it clear I am to stay with them, but I suppose if it gives her piece of mind.
Eleana seems a little different, thought I can't quite determine how...



February 16th Imperial Year 794
I am so tired, my hands so sore that I can barely hold the pen. Today was wash day. I had seen it many times,m sat and talked to Rosalie, helped to take the cloths down and brought in, but never had I known the harshness of the lye soaps, or the extreme heat or cold of the wash bucket. The rough texture of the boards. My nails are chipped, my fingers near bleeding. I can stand to write no longer. I only wish to say that there must be some other way. That no one deserves to suffer this in the name of cleanliness!



February 21st Imperial Year 794
Ferron has spent the week begging with father. So at dinner I asked him to give up, as I do not consider my fathers council any longer. He frowned at me across the table and shook his head. "Perhaps in your world, a family can be set aside, but in mine, even should a family be abandoned, they must still be honored."
I was shocked, and somewhat insulted. Eleana, who is still acting most unusually, came to slide in beside me and said that in his world families deserved that honor, in this world, families were bigoted swine who deserved no such honors. The room fell silent and I could feel my face burning with embarrassment. I still loved my father, despite his stubborn and unreasonable ideals. She mumbled something that could have been an apology and slipped up the stairs.
I started up not long after but decided to bring you down into the dining hall, as Lana and Birdie seem to need their privacy tonight... I have fount that "One in high spirits" and "One high on spirits" are not so easily distinguished from one another.

I suppose I could sleep in Ghosts old bed tonight.



February 22nd, Imperial Year 794
When I entered the room last night Ferron had already fallen asleep, lay across his bed in only his sheets. He looked so peaceful sleeping there I could have watched him the whole night through. What I did next, no one must ever know. No one, that is, but Ferron, myself, and you, my trusted friend.
I lay my dress across Ghosts empty bed, and in not but my shift I slid under the sheets with Farron. He sighed and put his arms around me, pulling my tightly against his chest and burying his face in my hair.
Never have I known suck comfort and peace. I wish the night could have gone on eternally.


February 25th Imperial Year 794
I apologize that I was unable to write the past few days, thought not much happened. Ghost arrived this morning to visit. I tried my had at peeling beets, but to no good ends, and it was my fingers that ended up losing their skins.
I feel so utterly useless!
Eleana seems to be quite ill, but refuses to admit it, instead choosing to keep her work outside so that her illness need not be cleaned. I spoke with Ghost on this subject, and she stated that she had her suspicions, but needed to speak with Eleana privately before she would come to any conclusions. I suppose we will know eventually. Ferron has said nothing of the night I lay beside him, and I returned to Lana and Birdies room the following night.  I wish he would tell me he was as happy as I, that he would open the door and invite me again. I know he wont, not without my fathers blessing. But still I can hope.



February 26th, Imperial Year 794
Eleana became violently ill over the lunch preparations. She says it is the greens that brought her to her knees, that the very smell was repulsive. Ghost, declared with no hesitation that the Lady Eleana was with child!
I gaped in shock! Eleana pregnant? Could it be possible that a woman worrier so strong, independent, and stubborn could have become pregnant? Ghost must have seen my thoughts because she turned on me with a wicked grin and said that was it not for his fear of my fragility and how he viewed me as otherworldly as some spirit to be feared Ferron would have seen to it I was already suffering that same condition. I was furious. I don't even understand the sudden overpowering rage, but I was livid. I turned on Ghost and nearly spat the poison words at her that I was not fragile, that Ferron did not fear me, and that he was far too respectful for such things to have transpired. Ghost burst out with her horrible twisted laughter, that sickening cackle I had not heard in so long. 
It seems that while we were able to civilize her to a point, she will always be a wild animal.

It was announced over the evening meal that the crew would be departing in two weeks time, and another job was signed.
I do not know what this means for me. I do not want to return the the Oryn Prison.

Reviews

[R Smith]

Hello and welcome back Kitalia, the best compliment I can pay this chapter is that despite not having read the story since some time ago I was straight back into the plot without having to think and try to remember, that's how memorable this story is and the quality is still evident in the writing, I look forward to the further chapters as soon as time allows but for now, very well done Kit Kat you have a remarkable story here that improves with every chapter :)

[Kitalia Emme]

Thank you so much. I was so sorry that I couldn't write for a time, and am glad to be back. The wonderful thing is I now have a deal with an editor, so being formally published is actually an obtainable goal now.

I am so glad that you still enjoy, and that it wasn't so hard to pick it back up. 8 months is a very long time.

[R Smith]

great news Kit Kat, when you're published let me know, I too am waiting for a book to come out but its been some time so I'm not sure, also it was easy to pick up your story after 8 months its very memorable :)