January 794

January 1st Imperial Year 794
By the time I reached the Crow yesterday I was far to exhausted to write. After father and I fought I fell asleep while waiting for him to retire for the evening. I assume he was attempting to make peace with the Barrett's, though I am uncertain. I woke early yesterday and slipped into Mothers room to tell her of my plan to leave. It was like I had lost her all over again as I saw the empty space where she should have been. The crushing feeling as I remembered she was gone.
I took as many of my things as I could fit into a single case, tucking my money into a pouch and pinning in the folds of my dress, and leaving a note for Rosalie. It was a long walk, as I knew if I had asked for help then I would never be able to escape. I made it to the crow just after the sun started it's decline from her highest point. Eleana didn't seem pleased when I took Quin aside and explained my plan to him. I could tell by her expression, though she held her tongue I know she will speak soon.
Ferron wasn't sure about the arrangement, and he said as much, even offering to move into another room, as a lady needs her space. I made it clear that it wasn't necessary for him to do that, as I didn't want special treatment. He still never came into the room last night, instead claiming he fell asleep on the bench beneath the stairs. I suppose that could be true, as I had seen him do just that in the past.

I suppose I should soon find a way to incur income, as the money I have will only last me for a short while. I want to speak with Eleana, but I fear she will just send me back to the mansion. I suppose Lana and Birdie may have some ideas. All we can do is hope for good luck.



January 2nd
Ferron has been subtly trying to get me to make peace with my father. He finally came out and said that he wants me to go home. I was a little hurt by this, but he is still insistent that I go. He says that he want's to see me make amends with father. He thinks that my actions are because I am taken by grief and that I will regret them. I finally went to Eleana and asked her if my staying was an issue. She said that it was an inn, so if I payed my way there was nothing she could do, but that Ferron was right. I needed to go home and face my demons. That if I came back under different circumstances it wouldn't be an issue. That things the way they are, she would have turned me around the minute I walked in, if she had a say. I know I acted in hast, but I still think that it is best if I stay away. I fear that if I am there all we shall do is fight.



January 5th
Ferron slept in his own bed last night, but he left the door open and did not change. He went so far as to leave his boots on. I have given a lot of thought to what they said, so when he wakes up I'll agree to go home, but under the condition that if things don't improve at home I'll be allowed to return. Ferron and Eleana agreed, and Ferron helped me carry my bag back to the house. Rosalie met us at the kitchen door and warned that Father was in a horrible mood, that is was best if he didn't know Ferron was around at all. I know that father knows that I am home, but he didn't say a word to me, he didn't even come from his office to dine. I just hope things will get better.
I went into mothers room again, I suppose I was planing to tell her that I am home. I know that she is gone, but it seems my heart is still in denial.



January 10th
Father finally decided to dine with me. He waited until the meal was nearly over before finally demanding to know where I had gone. I said that I had rented a room in town so that I had time to clear my head. He was furious and began yelling at me, telling me that I was a child, and a girl at that, that I had no right to leave the way I had, that I had no rights at all. I answered that it wasn't my fault that he has been so wrapped up in his own life that his children had grown and gone and that he didn't notice until he woke up and found he was a lonely old man. I rather feel bad for my remarks, in hind site.
He flew around the table, and I actually believed he was going to strike me. Still I stood my ground. Mother would be proud of me. I am not going to falter. I will show him my strength and I will become someone mother is proud of.

He said that I was a horrible and disobedient child. I answered that he was just too blind to see that I was not a child, but a strong young woman.
The more we argued the louder it got. And soon the pain began in my chest, still. I refused to back down. If he was not willing to accept that I am no longer a child, and that he is no longer in control of me then I was going to shove it in his face that he may choke on reality.
I should have gracefully taken my leave and let my silence speak for me, but I was so angry I couldn't let it go. I saw nothing but red, pure wrath. And in moments my breath stopped and the world went dark.

I am resting in my room now. I slept all of yesterday and much of the day before. At least I am not on the machine, though it is still uncomfortable breathing.



January 11th
Rosalie sat with me for a long time today. She said that Ferron has been up to the house several times to speak with father, trying to gain employment. Father isn't turning him away, but isn't helping either. He keeps sending him to various people in town for ridiculous tasks. Ferron is completing them though.
I wish he would come see me, but I understand why he has not.

Rosalie also said that they have put money into a lot in the settlement. That they are going to see it later this week.
I hope all goes well for them.



January 13th
Rosalie is so excited by the space for their Inn. It is in the colony just east of here, and will be the first building on the main stretch. She said is has a lovely view of the place where the pier is going in. That the town isn't really built yet, but that it has been a fishing community for many generations, that they have always just come to Eaux Reves for everything, but now they are building a store, and improving the one small pier, expanding it to support larger ships. She really believes that it will bring life to the town and that soon they will even have a name for it. Sparrows Cove, I believe is what it is called now. She said that they are planning to start building soon. That Ferron has agreed to help them collect things for them on his next trip. I can't image what he will be bringing for a place that isn't build yet. I can't wait to see.
Ferron didn't come to see my father today, as they left again sometime today. I hope he isn't too long this time. I need him to come and visit me. Moreover I need the pain in my chest to stop so that I can move about freely. I am going to die of boredom.



January 15th
Father came to sit with me today. He actually said that he had been to harsh on me, and that he would hear me out, if I had something to tell him. I wanted to tell him that I was still going to refuse to marry Daniel, but thought better of it. Instead I decided to recommend that he take on Ferron. That he is well educated and is hard working. Father nodded and said that he was impressed so far, and that he actually had a plan, but wanted to give it a bit longer to see how things turned out. He said that he has already commissioned a new ship so he can expand his business a bit, and that if Ferron is patient he will give him a letter of recommendation to ensure that he gets on as a member of that crew.
I wish father would recommend him a place as a captain or vice. Maybe if Ferron had a title he wouldn't worry so about our friendship. Perhaps he would even court me. If he was in such a position I'm sure father wouldn't object to our courting either.
One can hope.



January 16th
I am feeling so very much better. I am up and about the house, though I have not been so bold as to go adventuring. With the crew gone I feel no need to go to town. It is nice, however, sitting on the widow walk and looking out over the sea. I love the summer months so, and I am glad that we are in the northern parts so it is never truly cold. Though I do enjoy an occasional snow, I would hate to be stuck for months of cold like what Lydia described as they have in the Imperial City. I suppose I am where I belong. Not that I didn't enjoy Brunnen, and I do like Ganderu, there is something so peaceful about Eaux Reves. It is like a living dream settled along the waters edge.



January 18th
Daniel came to the house again today. How he has the time to keep coming over here, and then storming off as he does, I cannot begin to imagine. Ganderu is no less the three hours by carriage! I know it was wrong of me, but as soon as I heard his voice I slipped into my room and lay down, pretending I was feeling ill. Edgar looking in on me, but either he is taking my side, or he was convinced because he sent Daniel away.



January 22nd
Father and I have been getting along well enough. We don't talk much, and when we do it is uncomfortable and casual, but at least we are not fighting. It's finally sinking in that mother is gone, and I think we both feel that we hastened her departure with our senseless bickering.
It comes in waves. I'll pass her door and pause, wanting to rush in and spill my heart, but knowing that the room is empty. I fear that I will never overcome this pain.



January 24th
Daniel showed up jest as we were sitting to lunch today. Father,  whether out of respect for a guest or spite for me, invited him to join us. The meal was in awkward silence, and the food heavy on the stomach. Finally, after what seemed like hours, we concluded. As I attempted to slip from the room saying I was feeling ill to my stomach Daniel caught me. He said that he was sorry for not being more supportive in my time of need, but that he would be there for me from this moment forwards if I was just to marry him. I said that if his love was true then he would be there for me even if I was to pledge my life to celibacy, and he had already failed at that, so he needed to go, and I needed to rest.
I quickly left the room, fearing the wrath of the two men. But father only said that Daniel needed to be more caring, as I was in mourning. That everything would work it's self out in time. Daniel agreed, but I could tell from his voice he wasn't happy.



January 25th
Ghost visited for a bit today. How she gets her from Ganderu so quickly I will never understand. She just appears from seemingly nowhere. She was sad that Ferron wasn't around, but had a lot to tell me. She said that she has been writing letters to the man who is sponsoring her education, and has agreed to go to his dinner herself. I can't believe just how much Ghost has broken out of her shell! She still covers every inch she can with clothing, and doubles hats and parasols. Though I remember her saying she burns so easily, so I assume that is why. We talked for a long time. She loves her classes, and she said that she is the only woman in many of them. She is the top of her class despite still struggling with her reading a lot. She said that she is practicing her reading and writing every day so that she can do as well as I. I was flattered. She still has quite a mouth, but then she was a sailor six months ago. She said that she has seen Daniel around the University a bit, though he never seems to take classes. I remembered hearing his father ask about a girl, so I asked Ghost about it, though I can't remember the name. She nodded, saying that he is usually with a girl. And that they seem to be together, and not as friends. She seemed a bit upset, as if telling me would hurt me in some way. 
I also notice she has her hair back in a ribbon. When I mentioned it she said that my mother was the first person to ever really care, aside from Ferron, that she never would have had a chance if mother had never reached out to her, that she would have likely died at sea as a scared shape hiding behind Ferron. 
She said that in memory of the person she feels saved her life she was never going to cut her hair again, that she would let the world see who she was and would make the news as a great doctor.

I know that mother is smiling. I can feel it.



January 27th
I received a letter from Benjamin today. He sent me information on the University and said that he and Cora were married as soon as they arrived back in the Imperial City. That as soon as Lydia was finished with her studies they would all be going to Brunnen, and that as I was an adult now he would support my choice if I wanted to go the Brunnen now, or Join them in the Imperial City.

I am so torn. The truth is that I really love Eaux Reves. For now though I will try and focus on learning. I want to study math and history, as that is my weakness, and I want to teach, I know that for sure now.



January 28th
I spoke with father today, explaining what it was that I wanted. He agreed to let me study, but he wants me to study from here for now, and if my health doesn't decline again then I will be allowed to go to Ganderu. He is calling on his friend at the university to make arrangements soon. I really cannot wait. And to think I had hated my lessons so.

Reviews

[R Smith]

so that's it at last, i have reached this last chapter, Kitalia this is a truly amazing story, i'm hooked on it and wonder is there to be a continuation, you have created a world with lovely places and great characters, looking forward to more, thank you, Richard :)

[Kitalia Emme]

There is much more to come, I assure! Sadly writing chapters on a mobile is a devils task, so they will have to live in the darkness of a notebook for the time being.

What I can say is that the excitement is just beginning.
I wrote about pirates, after all.

[R Smith]

I look forward to it all, its a long time since i read about pirates so it will be a welcome change, thank you :)