June 793

June 1st
Something horrible has happened! Mother lost conciseness last night. The doctor has been here, and has her on the breathing machine again. We are hoping that she will wake up soon. I am going to stay by her, I just came to take a short nap. Rosalie has been watching her in my stead.



June 2nd
Mother is feverish and only wants to sleep. they have her on the breathing machine, but at least she is responsive. Ferron sent word that he will do anything he can to help. He and Alder get on so well, I wish he would come to visit. I need a friend right now.



June  4th
Father went to Ganderu last evening. An urgent message came about his contact there, so he took dinner on the road. 
To my relief Edgar went with him, and not Alder. Then at lunch today Ferron showed up, Ghost in tow. They had books, and wanted to know if Mother would want them before we left for town. Ferron was grinning ear to ear as he said that he planed to "kidnap" me while father was away. He felt like I would need the vacation. 
I agreed and lead the way up to mothers room. She was thrilled that Ferron had the thought to visit her, though her reaction to Ghost was, well, about the same as mine had been. To be honest Ghost didn't want to come inside the house. He had to drag him. He didn't want to meet mother, we had to force him into the room. And when we finally got him in the room he stood in the corner sulking. 
Ferron sheepishly apologized for bring him, explaining that Ghost has been acting oddly and didn't want to be left alone. 
Mother promptly made it clear that Ghost was welcome, and that she only requested that he be a part of the group, as standing in corners was against house rules.

Poor Ghost! His mouth dropped open and he stared at her in complete shock. It seems he was worried he had offended her.
Either way it worked, as he came and stood next to Ferron, still trying to disappear.
Mother, it seems, had a new goal. She had it in her head that she was going to have a conversation with Ghost, and the more he tried to shy away the more she wanted to talk to him.

As mother prodded and teased trying to get Ghost to speak I could see Ferron getting uncomfortable. I could understand why, it was impossible to tell just how Ghost would react to something. 

Finally Ghost snapped at her, saying it didn't matter what she said, he wasn't going to talk. That nothing he said was worth hearing, so she should give up.

Mother laughed, though it only threw her into a coughing fit. At that point Ghost stepped out from behind Ferron and put his hand on her. 
I'm not sure exactly what happened, as it was all so fast, but mother suddenly stopped coughing. Ferron grabbed Ghost, pulling him back and dragging him out of the room. We could hear him scolding Ghost, and heard a smack. I assume one hit the other, and I am willing to assume it was Ferron who was giving.

Either way Ferron came back in a apologized for Ghost's rudeness. He then asked if I was permitted to spent the afternoon with them, that they would have me home before the cold set in.

The rest of the day passed quietly. We wandered around town for a while, stopped in the Caged Crow and talked with Lana and Birdie, though Lana said that she was surprised I was still hanging around with Ferron's stupidity. Eleana came in at this point and waved, but didn't seem interested in joining the conversation. I decided to be courteous and say hello, as it has been quite a while that I have been stuck at home. She smiled and asked if I wanted to sit. I nodded, though her voice was somehow serious. I'm not really sure what it was, but something made me uncomfortable.

She asked me if I had spoken with my parents about my adventures. I said that my mother knew. She also asked just how close Ferron and I were. I said that we were good friends, but based on the look she gave me, it wasn't what she wanted to know.

I explained it to her, about how I felt, about his answer. About how I would be coming every night if I could.
She sighed in relief. Apparently she was worried that I was going to get into trouble. I asked what she meant so she told me that Ferron has a habit of making a close friend, and then when they move to a new port he leaves them alone and confused.

I was shocked. He is courting someone else?

Eleana explained that he was typical, that Adrein was guilty of the same. That many of the boys on the crew did, but that courting was not the term. Courting was far more civilized then what they did. She said that some people just "don't like to sleep alone". That she was concerned for me because it was more then obvious I had never seen the world for what it really is. 

I assured her that we were only friends, and that was because he only wanted to be friends. She nodded saying that she felt that was for the best.

I was actually angry at her! I was hurt that she would think that of Ferron, and I was hurt that she didn't think that I knew enough to know that many men will use women. Just because we are on a different social standard doesn't mean that people are different.

Until two years ago we spent much of our year in Magina. I know the way the Navy sailors behaved, and they were often part of society. I know the way the men at the academy acted. I know the way the maids were enjoyed. I know my father is far from a saint. 
I couldn't expect Ferron to be different then that. He has proven to be a good man. She studied my face carefully for a moment before saying she knew the way those with class acted. This is different. She didn't want to see me hurt, but there was a lot more to it then Ferron, and if I couldn't see that I was blind.

I shrugged and returned to the group. The look on Ferrons face made me think that he heard the conversation. He smiled at me anyways and suggested we head homewards.

I wish he didn't have to go. I wish I was free to go where I pleased.

I suppose I should stop wishing and start thinking. What did Eleana mean? Anyways. Ferron has said that we can't be more then friends. It doesn't change how I feel about Daniel. 



June 6th
Father returned late yesterday, so I was already in my room.
He joined me for dinner this morning and explained that he has stayed the extra time to speak with Daniel. He says that I will marry Daniel Barrett and that I have no choice in the matter, so next time Daniel asks I am to accept it. That Daniel is willing to give me a second chance.

I will not marry Daniel. I don't care what Father says, and I told him as much!

I am restricted to my room again.




June 14th
I know it has been a wile me dearest friend, but unless you want me to describe the walls I have nothing to say. Father is being most stubborn. He is allowing me to take meals with mother, but that is the best I am allowed. Rosalie is still the house maid, so she is working most of the day, and she wants time with Alder, so I am here. studying the walls.
I hate the room.



June 17th
Mother has a grand Idea. She said that if I was able to convince father to hire Ferron then he could take on Ferron and train him to take over the company. This would keep Daniel out. She said that she will start talking to father and ease him into the idea of who Ferron is before I bring him up, or introduce them. She said this will keep father from jumping to conclusions. He would, and I know it. He would blame Ferron for the fact that I turned down Daniel. 
I am starting to think that Father wants me to marry Daniel because our families are friends and not any other reason. If he knew how push Daniel could be maybe he would change his mind.



June 21st
Father has decided to let off. Mother spoke to him and said that it was for the best that he be more gentle and give me time to get used to the idea. 
Father says I'm still betrothed, so I will still have to marry him, but he won't make me accept a ring or set a date for a year.
He says summer next I will get married.

I still wont be a Barrett. I will never be Mes Barrett.

At least this gives us time to figure something else out.



June 23rd
The weather has been so much warmer these few days and I have been going mad locked in this house.
I begged that I be allowed to go out. I wanted to go the the shore and draw. I bother father as many times as he would hear me.
Finally I went to mother and asked her to help me. He always listens to her.

I was able to leave after lunch. I went to the shore, just as I said I would. I did want to draw, and I do find that place relaxing. I hoped Ferron would come, and that I wouldn't have to go find him. I needed to ask him if he would love me if we were of the same station. I needed to tell him what mother said!

I was ust packing up to go and find him when he came walking down the sand, that grin painted across his face. When he smiles like that I really believe that everything can be okay. 

He came and sat down, looking over my shoulder at my drawing. He asked if I really liked art, or if it was an excuse. I said it was both. He grinned even bigger. 

He told me about the last trip they were on, that they have been running from here to Ganderu, and then to Port Auzear on the other side of the mainland and that is why the trips have been so long. I said I didn't care. He always came back with good stories and that is what mattered. He laughed so hard at this he was in tears. 
Then I said I needed to tell him something important. That I knew he heard what Eleana said. He nodded, saying it was all true.
I told him I didn't care. That to me it didn't matter. That if I marred one of my father friends they would still indulge in the maids.

His jaw dropped open in shock. I have never seen him surprised, not like this. I actually giggled a little at this. 
"What are you trying to tell me." he asked his face serious. He was actually a little intimidating.

So I told him everything, About Daniel, about Fathers stubbornness, and then I asked him if he really did love me, that if there was a way that he could enter my world, if he could, hypothetically, get my fathers blessing, would he love me.

He said that those things would have no bearing on his feelings, but that he didn't want to answer. That he had said as much as he could on the subject.

We sat in silence for a long time, as i finished my drawing. Finally I closed it up and said I needed to head back. He frowned and stood, helping me to my feet and offering to carry my art case. 
I don't know exactly why, but I nodded and set the case on the ground. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest. 

I am so tired of the cryptic things he says, and I am tired of waiting for him to make up his mind. 

So, hen he looked down at me I kissed him.

I don't know if it was the shock, or if he was pleased, but he didn't step back. He stood there with his arms around me, though I could feel min tense up.

Finally I let him go and mounted Mond, asking if he would hand me the kit. He nodded, never saying a word.

Finally as I started to ride away he called out that they cast of in three days.

Three days... If I don't see him before they leave at least I gave him something.



June 28th
Rosalie has been walking on air these past few days. She has requested the first week of July off from work.
She says that she and Alder are going to get married then, and that they are not having a party because they are going to use the money for the inn. They are planning to get land in the new colony that is being build near to here. She thinks that someday the new colony will be connected to Eaux Reves, that everyone is hoping that we can be as big as Ganderu someday and that is why they are building it.

I hope this is true. I would love to see it.

Reviews

[R Smith]

another fine chapter in this love story Kitalia, your writing continues to capture my attention and if time would allow i'd continue to the very end, bravo Kit Kat :)

[Kitalia Emme]

Thank you again!