unconditionally

rant.

it hurts so much

to feel unloved

by your own mother 

when she shouts so loudly

and gets so mad

i feel nothing but her anger

and i know i’m not the best child

too ugly, too fat, too sensitive

too much and not enough

i know this, and i feel sorry

when i think about how she made me

only to end up hating me this much

i know i’m a s****y teen 

i don’t help enough, and i 

fail so much 

so much that i don’t deserve 

comforting hugs and words,

only insults and anger

and i try to get better,

to make myself the perfect kid,

to make myself something prideful

but it’s hard when

i’m not the daughter she raised, 

only the son she never wanted

it’s hard when i need 

mom’s help, mom’s guidance

mom’s love

who’s gonna love me unconditionally

if she doesn’t?

not myself, of course

not if i’m something she 

hates so much,

dislikes so clearly 

how am i supposed to

grow up, to move on

to live my life

when my mother 

doesn’t love me, isn’t here

when i need her most

what am i supposed to do

Author's Note

just a rant since i'm almost certain my mother hates me lmfao