Flying

>Flying

>I'll fly away from me again,
>Pretend to never be again,
>Over sea to see again,
>The other side of pain.
>
>I'll fly toward the east I think,
>The west has brought me to the brink,
>In search of my own missing link,
>To the south of Spain.
>
>I'll fly to where the palm trees sway,
>I'll fly to where the dolphins play,
>This life makes no sense anyway,
>I'll give you what I gain.
>
>I'll fly until the sky runs out,
>I'll fly until i have no doubt,
>Until I know what I'm about,
>I'll fly and fly again.
 

Reviews

[Joseph - Michael]

That was really nice and simple, yet very peaceful to read, so thank you for sharing this writing...

On the other hand, it's all still great tho...

[Emily Rose]

I really liked this and you made this poem difficult to write because of the crazy rhyme scheme. I'm really impressed that you didn't stray into cliche, and in my opinion none of the rhymes sounded particularly forced until the end. Honestly, I really enjoyed the poem up until the last stanza, because I thought that it concluded nicely with the second to last stanza. As soon as you addressed the reader the whole thing became a bit less personal and while I understand what you were trying to do, I think the execution could've been better. The rhyme about the pill seemed forced, and it was awkward to break your rhyme scheme by ending it on a slant rhyme, and to me ending something by saying "the end" is a bit... corny. Sorry if that sounds harsh; I guess if it were me I'd just nix the last stanza all together, because the rest of the poem is really wonderful and it speaks for itself quite capably.

[Jeberle]

I really enjoyed this. It sounds like a great song. You have some really great lines in here, like "I'll fly until the sky runs out," but there are times when it seems like the rhyme scheme is becoming intrusive, and forcing you to say something that doesn't really carry the poem forward. Lines like "That's it, good bye, the end" don't really carry their own weight. Don't let yourself become to slave to your rhyme. If you need to say something else, than throw out the rhyme. With a little tweaking, this can be a great poem. Keep up the good work.