Pounding

I've been doing a lot of work with the dark/nursery rhymes lately and will be continuing to do so, but for today at least I'll be doing something different, so as not to get predictable!

The twinkle turned sparkle in his eyes,

The feelings grew and eased my pain,

The excitement of the heart is filling,

The love comes running like rain.

He takes my hand as soft as spring,

He holds me tight to vice my soul,

He lays me down to grab our pleasure,

He loves a feeling never taking its toll.

I shudder to think of time away from him,

I plead with life to spare time for us two,

I lack the discipline to mature and say no,

I hope for a glance not much just a few.

We settle and care for a time stretched long,

We love and love and love to the end,

We know the time on earth is short,

We meet our feelings as always on lend.

Author's Note

Not my usual type of poetry at all, but I feel i need to show everyone that I'm not a one trick pony, thoughts?

Reviews

[LA Lorena]

I quite like this softer, gentler side of Thomas. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful and beautiful poem. I like the way the poem moved. The feeling of happiness and life was strong in your words. Your ending is true. Best to enjoy life before it fade away to wishes and dream. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[roy mccarthy]

nice poem,
it works well!

[Kelley Quinn]

I really like this! I'm always trying to figure out how to rhyme and not make it sound cheesy or awkward wording, you accomplished that perfectly.
And also the theme could really fit in to a lot of people and what is going on in their lives. I think I especially liked this one because it described my life perfectly right now.
Great job!

[Matthew Kult]

Not a one trick pony, but when we get the thought in our heads we have to do something different we force it. This feels a bit forced, but it is good. It could also do with the style switch, a sensory shock.

It is a good write.

Matthew

[argentum lumen]

Huh. I liked it. The rhyme flow was different then what you usually right. It had a less intense feeling than your usual poems.

[brenda]

good !good! good!:) agree with all reviews!

[☯]

I liked it a lot. Sure, it was different from your usual flow, but it was still beautifully written. I especially liked the line:
"He takes my hand as soft as spring"
Very good imagery, great job :)

[sherwin]

I think this would work better if we could hear you do it spoken word, you know at the rhythm and tone you would use. Nice job otherwise, keep writing.

[Sylo's Rose]

interesting. its got alot of emotion but the thing jsut has to much we's an i's in it. Less of them would do good. Make more mysterious. try another one simaliar to it and lets see how it comes out shall we? :)