CLOUD!

CLOUD!

A Poem by Thomas Fitzgerald
"

I've been thinking of war - as a state of society and how it affects us, this is my collective thought.

"

Clouds fill cells craving times once gone,

Clear skin holds tales as old as Adam,

Counting nuggets of gold along the way,

Clicked fingers to passers-by can’t fathom.

 

Loud noises heard miles away are here,

Leaning forward for them to see me cry,

Left side, right side, which side is right?

Lonely men standing tall wait to die.

 

Outrage at women taking up arms in haste,

Ordinary life’s changed forever in time,

Ousted secrets seem frivolous don’t they?

Old generals must now come to terms with their crimes.

 

Under earth we bury flesh we once ate,

Usher the new man to tell us old commands,

Uprising's are coming we all know it’s true,

Unite my darlings I beg of you makes demands!

 

Doubt creeps in forever no matter how clear,

Desolate thoughts scratch temples to defend,

Double your efforts he told me or face your foe,

Deals made will never stop the inevitable end.

© 2013 Thomas Fitzgerald


Author's Note

Thomas Fitzgerald
Enjoy and be honest.

My Review

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Featured Review

If you believe as far as Adam then you know the human race failed once XD the end is only inevitable if we don't wish to change it. Fight forthe good instead of mourning the evil and corrupt it's "The Good Left Undone"(Rise Against) that we should really consider. One of my personal favorite parts in the Bible is revalations when it explains the seven churches. Each was right in it's own vision but had a tragic wrong. I see it as a realization and humbling more than depressing, it says what not to do y'know? Inspiring and motivational I guess :3 so yeah if you wanna check that out..Revalations 1:4-3:22 it's interesting to analyze even if you aren't a Christian. Hope that helps! As always thankyou for writing, I love reading your work ^.^

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

"Old generals must now come to terms with their crimes." Very powerful analysis and one we can all identify with as we will all give account for our actions at the last judgment I believe. Your great poem adds much weight to the seemingly temporary actions that we take here on earth. Our lives certainly have eternal meaning don't they? I love Thoreau's words: If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. Thanks for help us do just that my friend!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Thomas Fitzgerald

11 Years Ago

Thank you for the review my love.
kind of apocalyptic which is what war is. Great write Thomas

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Thomas Fitzgerald

11 Years Ago

Thank you x
An extraordinary acrostic. War is a collection of clouds that keep us from seeing the turth that would negate it.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Thomas Fitzgerald

11 Years Ago

I agree Marie, thank you for the review! x
Thomas Fitzgerald

11 Years Ago

I agree Marie, thank you for the review! x
Edit's made - let me know if you have any other suggestions. x

Posted 11 Years Ago


You probably know the story of god offering David the choice of destroying Jerusalem or handing him over to his enemies. You provide a vivid picture of David's choice and its subsequent experience.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Thomas Fitzgerald

11 Years Ago

Thank you x
The sad truth of the futility of war - never the justification it is given by those who lead us in....never worth the sacrifices of the participants. Some graphic and memorable lines, Tom, and an interesting acrostic ... but with a few grammatical slips I thought you might look at:-
1st stanza line 4.... clicked fingers that passers-by...
2nd stanza line 1.............here? .... instead of hear
4th stanza line 4 .........make demands!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Thomas Fitzgerald

11 Years Ago

Thank you Pete, I'll make the changes.
Great Work :) Enjoy it. keep writing this is a promising piece.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Thomas Fitzgerald

11 Years Ago

thank you Marc
I like the way you composed this. It allows the reader to absorb the depth and meaning for themselves and apply that into their own lives. Well written.. Xo

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Thomas Fitzgerald

11 Years Ago

Thank you lily
A fusion of different stories within a single piece. It took me a little while to understand and interrelate them all ... In the end though I must say I wish you should write a separate poem on all stanzas individually, because I bet they will be more entangled within further more concepts.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Thomas Fitzgerald

11 Years Ago

Thank you x
"Loud noises heard miles away are hear,
Leaning forward for them to see me cry,
Left side, right side, which side is right?
Lonely men standing tall wait to die."
I don't know. I was brought up properly. My father respected all men who worked hard and left him in peace. I follow his example. I believe too many people(Countries) are going places they do not belong. Can't teach people to be Englishman or Americans. We are far from perfect. We don't murder for sake of religion and politics daily. We tried to get along.
"Double your efforts he told me or faces your foe,
Deals made will never stop the inevitable end."
Hard to beat the Devil. He rarely lose. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Thomas Fitzgerald

11 Years Ago

Thank you x

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Added on July 15, 2013
Last Updated on July 16, 2013
Tags: War, People, Crime, Death, Use, False, Time.

Author

Thomas Fitzgerald
Thomas Fitzgerald

Wexford, Leinster, Ireland



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To all who know by now - I love you. For those that don't, I review a lot of work on here, and I expect the same in return, friend me but make sure to have conviction! I'm a horror writer mostly bu.. more..

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