What Can I Say?

So this sux pretty bad, just when I got into Code Geass and Lelouch.

The rain masked my tears as they poured from my face.  Shirley had asked me for back up at a concert and here I was, watching her kiss the only boy I ever loved.  It was no secret that she liked him, but she knew how I felt as well.  It was pouring and I was sure neither of them could see me.  Their eyes were closed anyway.  I hid carefully behind the stone fountain, unable to look away.  Shirley was wrapped in Lelouch’s embrace, her arms secured tightly around his neck.  The umbrella that one of them had been using was thrown to the ground, soaking them both. 

I could feel my heart tearing into little pieces.  A sob escaped my throat and I ran.  The two lovers wouldn’t have noticed me, not when they were so busy.  The image kept rolling in my mind again and again.  I felt betrayed, stupid, and even worthless.  What had I been doing all these years?  When I befriended Lelouch we had been so close.  We were still close even now, but he must have only thought of me like a sister, a friend.  The knowledge tore into me like a knife, making the pain in my chest increase.  I stopped only after I had reached the other end of the park.  I closed my eyes and raised my head towards the heavens.  That was when I let out my pent up scream.  Lightning struck the ground only a little ways away. 

 

“It happened didn’t it?”  I blinked, turning to face the only person I could ever trust.  X stood there watching me with an uncaring face.

“Go away X, I don’t need your criticism right now.”  I sat down on the sidewalk facing the second park fountain.  It was grey stone with designs of gargoyles instead of cupids.  X came next to me and kneeled beside me before placing his hand on my shoulder.

“I told you to keep your loved ones at a distance.”  I shook my head.

“I couldn’t, not to Lelouch.  I shouldn’t have taken the contract X, I wish I had never met him.  I wish I had just died at birth.”  I whispered to my knees.  My long blue hair was soaked, sticking to my face and clothes.  My shirt was stuck to my skin, showing off parts of my bra.  X kneeled onto his knees and hugged me from behind.  The pain, it was just so excruciating.  If I had ever known love could feel this way I would have suppressed the feeling forever.

 

“You will never lose me Kisara, I will always be here.”  His voice somehow soothed me.  I loved X, but as a brother.  He was all I had, perhaps I would eventually gain those feelings for him.  At least X would never leave me.

“Leave me, I need to be alone.”  I whispered, sniffling a little.  X immediately let go and stood back.  He began to walk away and I raised my eyes to the fountain.  I swung my legs around and laid on my side, letting my hair swarm around my head.  It would be beautiful to die in the rain, to just lie here for all eternity.  I closed my eyes and listened to the pounding of the water around me.  Every so often I let out a few sobs, but the pain was being replaced by the numbing cold of the rain.  I heard footsteps on the sidewalk behind me, but I didn’t move.  Whoever it was stopped behind me and didn’t move.

“Kisa.”  I still didn’t move.  The voice was deep and quiet.  I knew the voice very well.  The footsteps came closer and a figure kneeled down behind me. 

“I know you saw Kisa and I need you to understand that she kissed me.  I had no intention to…”

“Shouldn’t you sound like you actually care if you wish to explain?”  I asked.  My voice sounded hollow, like an empty shell.  There was silence and for a moment I contemplated facing Lelouch, but I decided against it.

“I’m sorry.”  His voice shook in desperation.  The tone was obvious and I finally turned my head to face him.  His shaggy black hair was plastered to his pale skin and those vivid violet eyes were staring at me.

 

“I’m sorry I let Shirley kiss me and that I kissed back.  I’m sorry that I’ve kept you at such a distance for so long.  I care about you Kisa, I always have, its why I had to keep you at a distance.  You are in danger around me and I thought if I…”  He didn’t finish his sentence.  I stared into his eyes blankly.  My body felt hollow and I’m sure my eyes showed the same hollow shell.

“Lelouch, maybe it would be best if we kept a distance between us.”  His eyes widened as I said this.  I laid on my back and faced him fully, smiling with fake happiness.

“You are Zero and if anyone finds out I’m an eleven then it could cause trouble for you.  Besides, I know how much you care for Shirley and this way you can be happy.  If I’m not around then you can be free.  You won’t have to worry about me anymore or even have to waste your thoughts on me.”  I could actually feel the words leaving my lips.  They carried so much weight with them.  It was what I had been thinking for some time I realized.  I shouldn’t have come back to Japan, I should have stayed away.  Not just for my sake, but for Lelouch’s as well.  He didn’t love me and he never would.

The kiss we had shared so long ago no longer meant anything.  If I hadn’t left, maybe it would have been different.  If I hadn’t made that contract to help Lelouch.  He looked at me, his eyes softened and swam with unshed tears.

 

“How could you say that?  Why can’t you see I’m apologizing because I don’t want to lose you.  We both have the power of the king and I hoped it would bring us closer.  If we master these powers we can build this new world together.  It’s something I could never do with Shirley.  Even if you didn’t have Geass I would want to share this with you and no one else.  I can trust you better than anyone else.”  He took my hands and gripped them in his own.  He began kissing all of my fingers one by one and I felt my heart flutter.

“You want me to be a part of your world?”  I whispered.  Lelouch pulled me up, placing a hand behind my back and pulling me into his arms. 

“Of course, no world of mine would be complete without you.”  He held me tightly against his chest, keeping me shielded from the rain.  The warmth of his body was comforting and I found myself more content then I had ever felt in my life.

“Lelouch, maybe we should get out of the rain.”  He chuckled and nodded, taking me up with him.  He held me bridal style and looked down at me lovingly.

“What about Shirley?”  I asked him curiously.  He shook his head and smiled.

“I already have a beautiful woman that I am unwilling to let go of.”  I was surprised by his words, but flattered.  I laid my head on his shoulder but he tipped up my chin with his fingers.  He leaned down and pressed his lips over mine.  It was the second time I had ever kissed him, but it felt like the first.  His lips were soft and sweet.  The rain made it slippery, but the kiss sent electricity down my spine.  He was warm, so warm.  His lips tasted like cinnamon and I knew I would get addicted.  He pulled back and I put my head back on his shoulder.  He walked out the rain carrying me in his arms to a safe place to be alone.