1

 I sat there staring into the slow rippling water. The sound of metals colliding and young kids screaming filled my ears. In front of me was an inviting river of mucky water and behind me was psychotic clowns trying to leer young kids into the dangerous scrap metal that they called a carnival. I could hear the sounds of bells ringing and balloons popping as men with rotten teeth took money away from teen boys who were trying to win cheap stuffed animals for their girlfriends who all wore s****y shorts and tight shirts, claiming that the weather was to hot for jeans. Everything took me back. Took me back to holding hands on the power tower and caressing each others sweaty bodies when our basket on the fairest wheel reached the very top. It took me back to the way he put his arm around my waist when I got nervous because of the fucked up clowns with the creepy grins that were painted on their faces. It all took me back to that first night.

Reviews

[Crystal]

I really enjoyed this it is a great start. It had nice detail, a few grammatical errors but they can easily be edited out. I can't wait to read the next chapter. :)

[Lucy Joan]

It's pretty good start to your story :D some of the word diction doesn't really fit but overall, great write!

[Hi]

Nice first chapter. It's not bad for the first chapter of the story. I do recommend not using the word "and" as much, try using something else like a comma or a -- (dash). I really liked your description, it's nearly flawless. Great first chapter!