Dear Dad!

an angry preteen's note to his player dad

Hey! Mister! 

Yo! 

I wrote this piece for ya! 

You deceived my ma 

You said sweet-nothings to her 

You promised her a bed of stars and velvety 

night gowns 

You said she was your heart 

You drank from her springs of euphoria 

Sucked from her mountains of passion 

Then you dumped her! 

You brought me into this cruelty together, 

you and ma 

But you're not here with her 

You denied me, you shamed her! 

You took away her spark 

Made her an arctic winter river 

Stiff, Cold and Sad 

Hey! 

Today, I swallow saddened milk from ma's 

bosom 

Today, my face is wet from her tear drops 

Today, you're the hottest player in caps 

Today, you're all smiles 

But the table turns on the morrow! 

Tomorrow, the future 

Tomorrow, when I become a lawyer, a 

doctor, 

Or whatever 

Tomorrow, when you become a weary 

soldier 

A fading star 

Tomorrow, when I become a husband 

Tomorrow, when ma becomes a grandma 

Dad! 

Tomorrow, when you become lonely and 

sad 

Tomorrow, when ma's all smiles 

Tomorrow, ah! Happy tomorrow. 

You're going to wish you stayed with us 

Nights of silent tears 

As we laugh the last laughs 

Nights of regret 

Nights you wait for death!! 

But before tomorrow 

I wish you the best... 

Peace

Author's Note

Written from the experience of a close friend...please review honestly and constructively

Reviews

[.....]

Strong emotions play here. For me personally I prefer left aligned poems. But your line breaks and structure were very strong and clear, emphasizing the right thoughts and conveying additional meaning to those phrases. This to me had a rap feel. I like how the poem ended on a positive arc.

I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.

Blessings, Tammy

[Hiddenfire]

well the ending was surprisingly better than I had expected. You handle the subject of a father leaving in a way I honestly don't think I've seen done before so I give you props for that. Enjoyed the read, thanks.

[Davey Jones]

My dad left me before I could even remember him I feel you

[Yellow Butterfly]

This is a very powerful write and laid bare for all to see and feel emotions of that of a pain brought on by anger derived from what should have been unconditional love. Sadness and sorry are conveyed through out this poignant write you have penned for a close friend.

You have displayed a real sense of empathy and sympathy for this person he calls 'Dad'

Exceptional write... :o)

[Penlady]

Beautifully written while very clearly expressing the sadness, mistrust and yet hope in a young man's heart. The real beauty is the realization of the (boy/young man) that there is indeed a better future inspite of the heartache of the yesterday that seeps into today. Exquisitely written. I FELT it all.

[Wendy Seames Garner]

Your sentiments are so true, it is the father's loss. A very good, thoughtful poem.

[xx]

Honest and constructive reviewing? I can try my best to provide that...

WONDERFUL WORK.

I can hear the voice behind the words, especially because you remain consistent in the speech pattern this poem is written in. Lovely use of shift here, and lovely use of imagery, and lovely use of repetition on top of all that. I just adore how you crafted this, and this piece would work amazingly well in either poetry OR prose format. It's a lyrical, honest, rhythmic piece that lingers with the reader long after the last line is read...

Just one thing: I believe you misspelled "bosom" as "bossom," but that's very minor in the face of such quality work.

Again, wonderful work! I hope to see more from you, so keep writing! :)

-Mina

[Divinity Sleeps in This]

I'm literally blown away by new poetic talent each day, you were my new day! This poem floored me. Especially when presented in a tight paragraph and not vertically like this.

My parents split up when I was three, and I hear you. This was splendid!

[Coyote Poetry]

This is real and powerful poetry. Lessons can be taught many years after a deed was done. I like the desire to celebrate new life and learning from a bad example to be a good person. I hope to read more of your outstanding poetry. Please sent me read request.
Coyote