Dear Dad!

an angry preteen's note to his player dad

Hey! Mister! 

Yo! 

I wrote this piece for ya! 

You deceived my ma 

You said sweet-nothings to her 

You promised her a bed of stars and velvety 

night gowns 

You said she was your heart 

You drank from her springs of euphoria 

Sucked from her mountains of passion 

Then you dumped her! 

You brought me into this cruelty together, 

you and ma 

But you're not here with her 

You denied me, you shamed her! 

You took away her spark 

Made her an arctic winter river 

Stiff, Cold and Sad 

Hey! 

Today, I swallow saddened milk from ma's 

bosom 

Today, my face is wet from her tear drops 

Today, you're the hottest player in caps 

Today, you're all smiles 

But the table turns on the morrow! 

Tomorrow, the future 

Tomorrow, when I become a lawyer, a 

doctor, 

Or whatever 

Tomorrow, when you become a weary 

soldier 

A fading star 

Tomorrow, when I become a husband 

Tomorrow, when ma becomes a grandma 

Dad! 

Tomorrow, when you become lonely and 

sad 

Tomorrow, when ma's all smiles 

Tomorrow, ah! Happy tomorrow. 

You're going to wish you stayed with us 

Nights of silent tears 

As we laugh the last laughs 

Nights of regret 

Nights you wait for death!! 

But before tomorrow 

I wish you the best... 

Peace

Author's Note

Written from the experience of a close friend...please review honestly and constructively

Reviews

[.....]

Strong emotions play here. For me personally I prefer left aligned poems. But your line breaks and structure were very strong and clear, emphasizing the right thoughts and conveying additional meaning to those phrases. This to me had a rap feel. I like how the poem ended on a positive arc.

I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.

Blessings, Tammy

[AK]

Strong emotions! I loved your word usage! Such a powerful poem! I loved the flow! Keep writing!

[Trusting]

AWWW! This is so sweet.

[Ayanda Mteto]

Wow bro, this is deep and powerful raw emotion, keep it up.

[reflectingus]

Nice, I could feel that vengeance, kind of masking that true sorrow and sadness felt by the estrangement of two special people. Powerful words, simply used, I loved how it seemed to have come straight from a cold heart, of an abused childhood. I really like all those exclamations, makes this a lot more lively and interesting to read. Keep writing.

[Leigh]

Strong words delivered with powerful impact to me, you tell a sad story very well

[Shy Girl]

That packed a powerful punch to it...the intensity grew as I read down the page. My goodness...from hate all the way back to a small measure of forgiveness.. the last lines there.

[Jyango Ryudo]

I love this! It sends mixed thoughts and emotions ya know. U think at first that u hate your father but then even though what he did was wrong u still wished him the best of luck. I enjoyed reading this so much! Great job bud! :)

[MOON]

Heartbreaking yet ends with the hope inside of you.

[Thisdumebi]

Not the first couple of stanzas...the poem starts [for me] from 'You took away her spark/Made her an arctic winter river/Stiff, Cold and Sad'. The poem is not denied of its gripping hold on the contrasts of life. 'Today' and 'Tomorrow' are held apart as the two poles of our experiences.Well made!