Dear Dad!

an angry preteen's note to his player dad

Hey! Mister! 

Yo! 

I wrote this piece for ya! 

You deceived my ma 

You said sweet-nothings to her 

You promised her a bed of stars and velvety 

night gowns 

You said she was your heart 

You drank from her springs of euphoria 

Sucked from her mountains of passion 

Then you dumped her! 

You brought me into this cruelty together, 

you and ma 

But you're not here with her 

You denied me, you shamed her! 

You took away her spark 

Made her an arctic winter river 

Stiff, Cold and Sad 

Hey! 

Today, I swallow saddened milk from ma's 

bosom 

Today, my face is wet from her tear drops 

Today, you're the hottest player in caps 

Today, you're all smiles 

But the table turns on the morrow! 

Tomorrow, the future 

Tomorrow, when I become a lawyer, a 

doctor, 

Or whatever 

Tomorrow, when you become a weary 

soldier 

A fading star 

Tomorrow, when I become a husband 

Tomorrow, when ma becomes a grandma 

Dad! 

Tomorrow, when you become lonely and 

sad 

Tomorrow, when ma's all smiles 

Tomorrow, ah! Happy tomorrow. 

You're going to wish you stayed with us 

Nights of silent tears 

As we laugh the last laughs 

Nights of regret 

Nights you wait for death!! 

But before tomorrow 

I wish you the best... 

Peace

Author's Note

Written from the experience of a close friend...please review honestly and constructively

Reviews

[.....]

Strong emotions play here. For me personally I prefer left aligned poems. But your line breaks and structure were very strong and clear, emphasizing the right thoughts and conveying additional meaning to those phrases. This to me had a rap feel. I like how the poem ended on a positive arc.

I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.

Blessings, Tammy

[Astro]

Emotionally charged for sure, would be a good candidate for "Slam' poetry. I grew up in a single parent family, so a lot of these same feelings are shared and unfortunately brought to light in my own minds eye while reading this piece. I may not agree completely with the whole thing, but it's not my life I see in these words, so I empathize and sit affected all the same. Well done.

[Imara]

I can't say much about this poem. It is great. The color I find personally a little distracting. I love how the mother ends up happier in the end for all her sadness leaves me with a feeling of hope. I love the strong, shortness of this work.
"You said sweet-nothings to her " Ah the famous sweet-nothings. Well used here to show how he got inside her head and made the mother believe in him. A great start.

[Kimberly "Melody" Carne..]

A most powerful write. A write of passion without hesitation. A write of anger, yet of letting go. Wonderful write.

[Baby Ricochet]

I'm new to writing so I just feel it and I loved it.

[Stabitha]

You have a real talent for writing poetry in dialect, I'd explore and develop that.

[koty bell]

sad stuff man strong emotion here definitely great work

[Honey54]

omg this brings tears to my eyes...(rarely does this happen) but this touched me because I know this feeling very well..and a absent father is a hard thing to deal with for an undeserving child..LOVE IT! DEFINITELY A FAVORITE!

[Aehr]

this one vibrates energy and strength... well written, from the point of view from your friend...

[TL Boehm]

Such emotion and eloquence in this and on a relevant situation - so many parents are "casual" with their offspring....offspring who are meant to be treasured. My gut reaction was - I want to go home and hug my boys - and their dad.

[Tomi]

This is one Deep Piece of Art! Anyone reading this would be lost in it... it's beautiful how you can take someone's experience, make it yours and put it in writng.. Great Job.