this isn't a story. i hate choosing a type

i was not alone in the room when i wrote this.

i can't remember the years anymore but my handwriting sure looks good on this page, as if that means anything, or even matters. i've stopped myself dead in my tracks and fought myself in the drive-through till i'm nearly mamed and no one is even watching. i almost didn't notice that i can't feel my toes anymore when i move them, or move my toes anymore when i feel them. i've nearly shattered my own spine and you can hear pieces of it rattle when i move my knee to take a step or my hand to ash my cigarette but you just think its my ring loose in its setting, because it makes the same noise. and here i am listening to the same songs i used to listen to, but i never would've guessed then that i'd be doing it this way, here, resisting every urge to use the word "you" in case some identities get mistaken when someone finds this piece of paper under the bed. still worried about the thoughts of other people, like anyone will ever see this, and if they did, like they'd ever ask - TEN YEARS HAVE GONE BY AND I'VE WATCHED them, like they've left me behind, but it was really cause i overslept or overworried or overcared and missed the fucing time machine. so i scribble the same bullshit blank verse while listening to the same s****y music in the same f*****g 10mi. radius in the same pathetic state of mind, 10 years later. The only difference is that now I know it's blank verse an that the music sucks and that i'm wasting eons. and each minute i don't sleep is another wrinkle in my brow that i won't notice until i'm remembering again, 10 years from now, 10 miles from here, when remembering becomes regretting. the blunt inevitability that i pretend i can't see is stifling. give the active verbs to every other subject, any other subject. let me be passive, because if you don't i'll have no one to blame but myself.

Author's Note

throw conventions out the window.
this is a piece of garbage.
throw it out the window, too.

Reviews

[Shane Rendon]

One BAD A*S piece of garbage... So defeatist... God damn the sick honesty and brutal truth... Sounds like you feel like s**t more often than I do, and are a hell of a lot better at relaying it...
This piece seems to be part of a facade- if you really think its garbage, why did you post it?
You are good my friend... very very good s**t.