LOVE, OUTLAWED

There are countries, where love is restricted and put in a box, and if you cannot love like that, then you are condemned. The police are not there to protect you, but to arrest you, if you open up.

We have met sordidly

under cover for groping love,

outlawed and shamed

by blinding ignorance,

cried silently

into our cold shoulders,

solitary, thinly defended

survivors of rank discrimination,

lived a secret existence

behind dim, closed doors,

to come out into shadows

for momentary tenderness,

away from the distant anonymity

of people’s going to and fro

without conscious and premeditated

touch or feeling.

We crave each others' hearts

in the fiery embrace of companionship,

knowing our times of being together

must be snatched

from a relentless routine,

in the hope for better circumstance,

before violent waves threaten

to overwhelm our small oasis of guarded peace.

Reviews

[viola]

I like this poem. So many great lines "to come out into shadows/for momentary tenderness" "We crave each others' hearts/in the fiery embrace of companionship." So many others--but I'd copy down your whole poem, which doesn't make sense!
To make it even better, I'd get rid of every and that starts a line. I think it weakens the thought. The reader knows it is in addition to everything before. Additionally, the more different words you have starting a line, the more interesting the poem. So maybe keep one and (I'd suggest the 3rd to last line, that one makes sense to me for some reason).
Nice poem!

[Mary Swingler]

I appreciated reading and critiquing your free verse poem. Your words are explicit of the pain, loneliness and shame you felt. Your emotions are poignantly expressed in every line. There is no rhyming pattern; but you have created a natural rhythmic flow, which is enjoyable for the reader.
I thank you for sharing yourself and your writing with us.
My only suggestion would be to consider using a period instead of a coma, at the end of each stanza. My reasoning is that there is a natural break in your thoughts.
a fellow writer

[viola]

Yes! It's amazing how much a few words can tighten a poem. I think this is much, much better!

[Brittany Bostic]

I love the line "binding ignorance" that really is what this feeling is isn't it? They are truly ignorant of the hearts of others.