Roman Graveyard ( 2 ) _ Louis Mario Paliero_

I lost a very close friend . someone that helped me to keep things together . someone I can never forget .

I'm still in the graveyard walking away from the grave of the woman who introduced me to death , to sadness ,to guilt and to expecting the end . Nancy's death was the first tragedy of my life but when I dig into my memories , I find a happy one connected to the next head stone I saw . louis mario paliero that was the name . my first real friend ,one of those many tears I shed ,one of the many souls I miss,one of the many voices I'll never hear again,one of those people who can't walk through my door again .
I stood in front of the grave for the first time in my life even though he died a year before and here we go , tears going down and flashbacks rushing into my mind .
I was six when I met that cheerful soul and he was sixteen . he was that sweet boy who would love to play with the little girl and in a month we grew a solid friendship that lasted for ten years .
we did everything together whenever we were in the same town and if we're not we were always on the phone .
we went to street carnivals , bought dolls and flowers , sang on the road ,played soccer , raced in reading books and even did some volunteering together .
he was there in all the big moments in my life like discovering my heart disease , going to a facility for eating disorders ,switching schools , a friend's death and even more .
I was in his big moments too. I threw flowers on his wedding day , attended his son's birth , helped him through his wife's death .
but he left me all alone . one day he was with me on the phone and the next day he had a heart attack and passed away . I couldn't see him or attend the funeral 'cause I was far away so I never got to say goodbye to him .
he left a little kid behind ,Armano and he also left a big hole in my heart .
sometimes I call his number and hear the answer machine tape his sister left then I tell him what's going on like how I used to .
no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get over his death . it made me feel alone and turned me into a really tortured soul .
I knelt down before the grave and put a violet flower , his favorite .
then I spoke . for the first time I spoke to a grave and didn't have that weird feeling that I'm talking to myself . I knew for sure that he was somewhere listening . he always did .
" I'm sorry Mario but I'm a liar . I'm not strong . I'm not tough . I'm not the rock you thought . I gave up . I screwed up . I didn't become what you wanted me to be . I can't be happy . I can't have hope . I lost my strength along the way . I only think of my turn now . it just made me mellow out . I'll never be the one I was again . i miss you .
I miss who I was with you . thank you for the temporary happiness you gave me and the lifelong memories,too . no one can understand me the way you could . I'll be forever grateful to you "
I couldn't say anymore . I couldn't help but feel that bitter in my heart and the darkness around my soul .
that was enough graves ,enough death in one day . I sprinted out of the graveyard as if the death hands would pull me in if I didn't run away .
I don't wanna lose anymore people . l don't wanna visit more graves .I thought to my self,but no . death was waiting . and I lost another close person sooner than I expected .
it's all over the place . death lives in one of the corners of my room .

Author's Note

I don't have the words to describe how I feel or how much I cried while I wrote this . it may be silly or stupid or childish but it's true . it's honest . it's who I am

Reviews

[Gamitsuki]

how to say it......but really it is....i don't have any words.......sorry.....i am literally crying.......just thinking over it makes me cry......but you know kim...sometimes we must leave our past and live for the future...i am sorry if it sounds to you like i am throwing it at you.....but it is my honest opinion.....i have known you by now around 2 months(about to complete)........and I know if you can fight over some disease like that you can achieve anything.......NiCe...!!