Roman Graveyard ( 1 ) _ NANCY DEVLIN_

my first time to visit a grave is something I can never forget

Rome is definitely the most romantic place in the world,but for me it's the most bleak one not because I'm not in love but because I carry tearful memories about that place .
one summer day I felt like visiting two former friends of mine . and it was easy because they lived in the same place, the graveyard .
it's hard for a 17 year old girl to enter a cemetery alone but I did .
I walked around searching for the familiar names . when I saw the head stone with the name Nancy Elizabeth Devlin ,I shivered .
it wasn't easy to think of someone you know under the ground .
I stood there without moving while all the memories and feelings rushed over me . I remembered everything .
Nancy was my nanny who hated life . she was a 30 year old American widow who came to Italy after her husband's death .
one day my parents were going to a party and I had to stay at home with the nanny because I was only 7 . she spent most of the evening telling stories about her late husband then she started
playing cards with me , but after a while I felt sleepy and wanted to go to bed . she begged me to stay with her but I left to my room .
after a little while I felt guilty to leave her alone and ran back to the living room to continue playing . but I saw what I can never forget.
Nancy was lying on the floor holding a knife with cuts in her both wrists and a huge cut in her neck . she was dead but I was too young to know that . I thought she was punishing me for not playing with her so I begged her to come back . when my parents came back , they found me on her lap , shaking ,freaked out and all covered with blood .
I was too shocked to go to the funeral so I never got to say goodbye to her , but I remember her mother visiting me in the hospital several weeks later , she hadn't stopped weeping then and I think she's still weeping till today
I woke up from my flashback when a bird landed on the tree next to me . tears gathered in my eyes when I put a white flower on the grave . and I said "you ruined my childhood Nancy but I hope you're happy with your love wherever you are "
I walked away from the grave trying to push away the idea that anyone that comes near to me dies . then another idea came :who would visit my grave like what I'm doing now?
I stopped thinking when I saw another familiar name on another head stone .

Author's Note

she was the one that introduced me to death . she was my very first tear . but I owe her for letting me know that life isn't forever