Love-What is love?

This is a essay.

After hiding from me for so long, love unveiled its face to me. He is six feet tall and I am winded by his beauty. How do I know this is love? Perhaps it is the gentle rhythmic beating of my heart, the uncontrollable butterflies fluttering in the pit of my stomach, or even the sparks that ignited when our eyes first met. These unfamiliar feelings mingled and spoke of how he differed from any man I had met in the past.

 These feelings are reinforced with his smile, capturing my attention and intensifying the rate of my pulse. The sound of his  voice engulfs all others coming from somewhere deep within his chest. It has the potential to resound like  violent thunder, yet it remains softly spoken like a mid afternoon rain;  turning other conversations into trivial whispers. Nothing can compare to the experience that follows his arrival.

With him, I feel as though we are the only two in a world full of strangers where  time is but a faint shadow and virtually meaningless. As these sensations begin to take over, gradually infusing me with long lasting daydreams that entrap my mind, leaving me in their wake with smiles and soft memories of his name being sung as if by a harp strong and true.

Even in my deepest dreams, I never imagined the possibility of such a man entering my life; a man who would bring security and reassurance. No one in this entire world could consider hurting me again because he is standing beside me like a protective guard. He is my knight in shining armor, the prince of Cinderella, the Romeo of Juliet. Even a simple memory or thought of him seems to shelter me from trials and harshness of the world, and bring surprises into my  life.


This powerful, awe-inspiring sensation has finally found me. It has left me breathless and starry  eyed, even though I never thought it could. My heart is a locket, and he holds the key. He took me completely by surprise as I found my reflection in his eyes. At first, he was not what I expected him to be, but with time, I realized that he was everything and more. We have now grown so close through the magical moments we have shared. The first kiss brought an immediate realization that he was the one for me. Since then we have only fallen deeper in love, and it’s a feeling I never want to lose. Joy, understanding, and care have filled our lives. I have never experienced this with another person before.  This man’s openness and honesty has earned my respect and admiration, and his intoxicating personality weakens my knees and wins my smiles. How many people can truthfully say they have found their soul mate? I have and I can.

 I admire the way he holds me close as I fall asleep on the couch while we are watching a movie. When all I want to do is cry, he comforts me, lending a shoulder for my tears. This feeling he gives me is a warm glow tingling across my skin.  Perfection is not possible in life nor in relationships, but those flaws make our time together that much more significant. The ups and downs make the ride worthwhile and our disagreements make the bonds stronger. We have each other and no moment between us is wasted.

 I like everything about him. He has the most adorable and enticing green eyes. The scent of his cologne drives me crazy. His brown curly locks tempt  the playful side in me. When he speaks, joy comes alive in me.  His touch makes me weak, and whenever I look into his eyes, I cannot turn away from his compelling gaze. I see the world as it could be, and how it should be through him. When he speaks words are more than sounds and his voice is the music that carries a lullaby from his heart to mine. His presence is my Eden.   

Our affection is both loving and protective, his arms around me are my one sanctuary, sheltering me from everyday pain. Each moment we share is enchanting; it transcends time and space. His laughter reminds me of the reasons why I fell in love with him in the first place. Compared to his, all other smiles seem ordinary. Every emotion, every action is the definition of amazement. He is the reason for my rejoicing and the permanent presence of fulfillment in my heart.

I love him more with each passing day and I know that my deep feelings for him will only grow stronger as time progresses. Without him, I am lost in a world of turmoil. He is my reason for living, I trust him with all that I am and all I hope to be. He completes me in a way that fills my heart overflowing with love. I feel so blessed to have found this wonderful man and to make him my one and only. He is the sunlight that drives away the shadows; he turns my bad days into pure bliss, and makes me whole. I will love him eternally.

The same kindness he brings to me can be brought to other women, voyaging and searching for a man to mend their hearts from a broken experience. The one thing that holds everyone  together is hope. Hope will bring faith, and faith will bring destiny. Keep all hopes high to store that faith deep within. Love is sneaky, creeping in when one least expect it and wraps around the heart. People will find the one that will treat them well, and that will make your life whole. He will cherish and value them more than he will value his own life. He will risk anything and everything to be with them and they will do the same. Keep that hope, and nothing will fail to satisfy one’s dreams when you find, the one, true love.

Author's Note

What do you think of the essay, Any suggestions?

Reviews

[Marissa]

to repeat what my message said:::

oh my god!! your essay is amazing..its truly one of the most beautiful things i've ever read i nearly started crying you captured the essence of love and wrote it down in a magical way ...wow It's absolutely amazing. I looked hard for anything to critique you on, but I found nothing. This essay is pure and beautiful and would make even the coldest, most bitter person smile and long for a love this true. This is obviously written true to your love, because I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced finding their soulmate would be able to write so passionately and profoundly. I hope to one day find the love you described in this essay.

[R J Askew]

I almost fancy him myself...flutter of eyelashes...esp that skill of voice, which when it leaves his lips (which I assume are full and kissable) brings such joy! O for such a charming voice! And the words to go with it. Sadly most men are rarely so perfect. And if they are then tend to know it and make those who love them pay and pay again. But that is for another essay. In this essay you capture perfectly the ideal of how love should be, the dream. I confess I felt a little envious of Mr.Perfect and his supreme magnetism. Were I your tutor I wld say...add a dash of balancing suspicion and disbelief, even if only for love to overcome it, thus proving itself the truer. I would award full marks however, if your analsyis of love said... 'Love? Prove yourself loyal.'

[Lauren Marie]

I would just say keep the tense continual throughout the essay. Instead of, "He is six feet tall and I was winded by his beauty," you could write, "He is six feet tall and I am winded by his beauty."

Also, in: "When he speaks, words are more then sounds and his voice is a lullaby from his heart to mine." It should be "than," simple fix.

Another simple fix would be to indent at the beginning of each paragraph.

Since this is in fact an essay, I would suggest rewriting the last paragraph. You use the word, "you" in it, and English teachers cringe when they see that word in an essay. (My English teacher makes you redo it).
Instead of saying, "you," write, "one."
Now, maybe writing "one" instead of "you" will nullify the emotion in the last paragraph, so here is an example of something else you could do:
"There may be other men out there like the one I love. The same kindness he brings to me can be brought to other women, voyaging and searching for a man to mend their hearts from a broken experience. The one thing that holds EVERYONE together is hope. Hope will bring faith, and faith will bring destiny. Keep ALL hopes high to store that faith deep within. Love is sneaky, creeping in when ONE leasts expects it and wraps around THE heart. PEOPLE will find someone that will treat THEM well, and that will make life whole. He will cherish and value THEM more than he will value his own life. He will risk anything and everything to be with THEM and THEY will do the same. Keep that hope, and nothing will fail to satisfy ONE'S dreams when ONE finds, THE one, true love."
Of course, that's just a suggestion.

I also agree with everything Kathryn wrote.

I loved this essay. If I were a teacher, I would give it a 100% (depending on if I was strict or not).
Lovely piece, and keep on writing!

[Lilly]

Your essay is great :) its touching and lovely in everyway. I can tell that you put your heart into that and it was truely amazing. :D

[Dreams In Color]

very good. I feel the same about my hubby. very touching.

[[untitled]]

awesome

[Kathryn]

Kim,
I looked over your paper and make some changes and suggestions in brackets. Sometimes I ask questions to get you to think and sometimes I make grammatical changes (and I usually tried to tell you why/the rule for doing it). Honestly, your essay felt more like creative writing than an essay. It was very melodramatic and poetic, which is fine, but not necessarily on target for your assignment. You used a lot of "thesaurus" words that sounded pretty but took out the sincerely and brought in this level of drama. You exaggerate a lot, or at least it really feels that way, and it is something you need to ask yourself about- do you mean EVERYTHING you are saying? If the answer is yes, then it is, but it also seems unhealthy if you do. When your boyfriend talks, do you REALLY hear angels singing and harps breaking in playing a beautiful melody? Or is it more of this soft, sweet, familiar voice that recalls so many good memories? Don't take this the wrong way or feel like this is a personal attack. I only aim to make you a better writer.

You didn't really tell me (the reader) the things about him that you love. You mention his smile and arms and voice- very superficial things that the reader cannot hear or see (unless you show us). Be anecdotal! Tell us about the time that you woke up puking and he came in the bathroom and held your hair back. Then he called into work sick so that he could stay home all day and feed you soup and rub your back. Tell us about how, on the first date, he pulled out your chair at dinner and held open all the doors and bought you a rose on the way home from a flower shop you walked past. Tell us about the way he flips his hair to the side when you are fighting and it is so cute that you stop being mad at him. Do you get the picture? You need to take us inside your relationship- be HONEST, SINCERE, and ORIGINAL!

Except for a few sentences, you didn't DEFINE love. Say what it is and then apply it to your boyfriend. Love is... finish the sentence and then show us how you know. Love is an emotion- give us those feelings. Love is a decision- tell us about the sacrifices you both make for each other. Love is work- tell us about the fights and the pain you carry and are trying to get over. Love is... Do you get the picture?
I REALLY hope this advice helped. I enjoyed your essay, but I really think that if you follow my advice it can be even better. I'll let you know that I was brutal, at points, in your essay and I hope you can appreciate it. I'm not one to coddle writers and tell them that everything they wrote was beautiful and poetic and wonderful. I'll tell you what I think and I hope you can appreciate that these are suggestions I make for YOUR benefit. Good luck on your essay! God bless.

Kate

ESSAY REVISED BELOW:
After hiding from me for so long, love unveiled its face. How do I know this[ this- you haven't even defined what 'this' is yet, not effective] is love?
Perhaps [not a strong word, if it is not more that "perhaps", don't use it as an argument to your point] it is the gentle rhythmic beating of my heart, the uncontrollable butterflies fluttering in
the pit of my stomach; or even the spark that ignited the first time our [who is the other person in 'our'-again, you haven't introduced] eyes met. These
unfamiliar new feelings mingled, (take out comma, same subject) and spoke of how he [he who?] differed from any man who broke my heart in the past.

These feelings were reinforced with a smile;[only use semicolon to join two sentences that could stand alone, same subject-use a comma here] capturing my attention and intensifying the rate of my pulse. The sound of his voice engulfed all others [voices or sounds?], turning such conversations [what conversations- about what?] into mere trivial whispers. Nothing can compare to the experiences that follow [you are changing verb tenses- never good! You go from past (reinforced, engulfed, etc.) to present (follow)-Choose one tense and stay with it!!] his arrival.

I feel as though we are only two in a world full of strangers where time is but a faint shadow of more meaningful apparitions. These [which sensations?] sensations begin to take over, slowly infuse me with interminable daydreams that entrap my mind. They leave me in their wake with smiles and soft memories of his name [introduce the reader to this person- give us his name here] being sung as if by a harp [do harps sing?] true and strong.

In the deepest recesses of my dreams, I have never imagined that a man like this would ever enter my life; bringing security and reassurance. No one in this entire world could consider hurting me again [again? Tell us (briefly) about the pain in the past, so that we can rejoice more with you for finding something better] because he is standing beside me like a protective guard. He is my knight in shining armor [clich�! Be original!!], the prince of Cinderella, the Romeo of every Juliet [every Juliet, or just you? Don't use phrases just because- be sincere!]. Even a simple memory or thought of him seems to shelter me from harm, and bring surprises into my life which could soon turn into reality [give an example].

This powerful, awe-inspiring sensation [are you talking about 'love'? if so, say it!] has finally found me, leaving me breathless and starry eyed, even though I never thought it could. My heart is a locket [lock or locket?], and he holds the key. He is everything I could ever want [what do you want?]. It took me completely by surprise; I found my reflection there in his eyes [rhyming distracting in prose; also, make two sentences]. At first, he was not what I expected him to be [why?], but with time, I realized that he was everything and more. We have grown so close through the magical moments we share, the first kiss, first moment I knew he was the one for me [take us back to those moments!]. Our time together has only made me fall deeper in love, and it's something that I never want to lose. Joy, understanding, and care have filled our lives [You are finally starting to DEFINE love here! Great sentence.]. I have never experienced this with another person before [take out]. This man's intoxicating personality has earned my respect and admiration, and no one before has ever shown me their soul in the way he has [again, great sentence]. How many people can truthfully say they have found their soul mate? I can, and I have [commas only if subject changes, take out]!

I admire the way he holds me close as I fall asleep on the couch while we are watching a movie. When all I want to do is cry, he is the one that comforts me. This feeling that he gives me is like a warm glow tingling across my skin [has a sexual connotation- if you don't want that in there, take it out or rephrase]. Perfection is not possible in life nor in relationships, but those flaws [what flaws? You haven't mentioned any yet!] make our time together that much more significant [why do flaws make time more significant?]. The ups and downs make the ride worthwhile, and our disagreements make the bonds stronger. We have each other, and no moment between us is wasted. [take out commas in both sentences]

Our affection is elegant, [two sentences- these two ideas are very separate from each other]his arms around me are my one sanctuary because he shelters me from everyday pain. What we share transcends into each captivating moment. Just to hear his laughter reminds me of the reasons why I fell in love with him in the first place [what reasons?!]. Compared to his smile[,] all others seem ordinary. Every emotion, every action [take out "; each"] is the definition of amazement. He is the reason for my rejoicing and the permanent presence of fulfillment in my heart.

I love him more with each passing day and know that my deep feelings for him will only grow stronger as time progresses. Without him[, commas after prepositional phrases] I am lost in a world of turmoil. He is my reason for living, I trust him with all that I am,[take out comma] and all I hope to be. He completes me in a way that fills my heart [take out "to overflowing"] with love. I feel so blessed to have found this wonderful man, [take out comma] and to make him my one and only. He is the sunlight that drives away the shadows; he turns my bad days into pure joy, and makes me whole. I will love him eternally.

There is nothing I do not like about him [double negatives aren't great grammar- try: I like everything about him or there is nothing I hate about him]. He has the most adorable,[take out comma] and enticing green eyes[new sentence, take out", and"] his brown curly locks tempt out the playful side in me. When he speaks, my laughter comes alive. His touch makes me weak, and whenever I look into his eyes, I cannot turn away from his compelling gaze [again, sexual connotation- make sure you want to go down that road]. I see the world as it could be, and how it should be through him. Words are more than sounds when he speaks,[take out comma] and his voice plays as my lullaby. His presence is my Eden.

There may be other men out there like my one love [makes him sound no longer like the one-of-a-kind guy you've been trying to describe. I know you mean to say that other people can find this, but you make it sound like he's not that special]. The kindness [much better to focus on the qualities he has that others should have-like kindness] he brings to me can be brought to other women, voyaging and searching for a man to mend their hearts from a broken experience. [Completely irrelevant, take out these following sentences: The one thing that holds us all together is hope. Hope will bring faith, and faith will bring destiny. Keep your hopes high to store that faith deep within. ] Love is sneaky, it creeps in when you least expect it and wraps around your heart. You will find a man that will treat you well, and that will make your life whole [is your audience only women? Can you make this a universal message by making the gender apply to both. Try: "you will find that person" or "you will find 'the one'"]. He will cherish and value you more than he will value his own life. He will risk everything and anything to be with you, and you will do the same. Keep that hope, and nothing will fail to satisfy your every dream to find your one, true, love. [Not a very good "concluding" thought, everything seems really scattered and not connected at all. You need to find a way to tie everything in together and to make a point and prove it]

[Paul Pruett]

Kim, not only is what you have written very romanitic and moving, but you have written it very well. It is obvoius how you feel and how he makes you feels. What a very special love letter. I hope you have given it to him so that he can see how much you love him. I know as a man, I would love to get something like this and as a poet I would love to have penned something like this.

[cilla]

As requested (and apparently you've made the same request to many others) I have read through this though the subject matter is not one I would normally be interested in reading.

That being said, you definitely have a talent and this particular piece has a nice flow. You want to avoid using clich�s (my knight in shining armor � the prince of Cinderella � the Romeo of every Juliet) and try to use metaphors that are original and meaningful to you.

[Dark-skinned warrior]

Well, this really is not the kind of thing I would usually read but as you asked so nicely I have done, though there really is not much I can add to what other people have said; yes it's very well written, you have a good command of English. The content, like I say, isn't my thing (far too sickeningly soppy for me) so I'll just comment on a couple of small things I picked up on with regards to spelling, grammar and structure:
You've missed correcting 'bmeaningful'
In the sentence after that I feel 'infusing' would be better than 'infuse'
The sentence 'Keep your hopes high to remain that faith deep within.' doesn't sound right to me, mainly due to the word 'remain', perhaps try rewording it.

[LadyRouge]

Thank you in advance for sharing this piece with me. I hope that I didn't go over board. This is a very good base. I put all my thoughts for change in (). Please feel free to take any, all or even none of them. Besides that, I want to congratulate you on a wonderfully well written piece.
LadyRouge

After hiding from me for so long, love unveiled its face. He was six feet tall and I was winded by his beauty. How do I know this is love? Perhaps it is the gentle rhythmic beating of my heart, the uncontrollable butterflies fluttering in the pit of my stomach, or even the spark that ignited the first time our eyes met. These new and unfamiliar feelings (maybe change the word 'feelings' to 'thoughts' here) mingled, and spoke of how he differed from any man who broke my heart in the past.

These feelings are (you change the tense here from past to present � these feelings were �) reinforced with a smile; capturing my attention and intensifying the rate of my pulse. The sound of his voice engulfs all others (engulfs all other sound;) a voice that comes from somewhere deep in his chest, the potential to be violent thunder, yet he (yet it remains softly spoken �) is softly spoken like a mid afternoon rain; (He turns all conversation into �) turning other conversations into trivial whispers. Nothing can compare to the experience that follows his arrival.

I feel as though we are the only two in a world full of strangers where time is but a faint shadow of more meaningful apparitions. As These (lower case) sensations begin to take over, they slowly (gradually infusing me with long lasting daydreams, trapping my mind, leaving me in their wake, with smiles and soft memories of his name being sung, strong and true) infuse me with long lasting daydreams that entrap my mind. They leave me in their wake with smiles and soft memories of his name being sung as if by a harp strong and true.

In the deepest recesses of my dreams, I never imagined, this kind of man entering my life; A (lower case 'a') man who would bring security and reassurance. No one in this entire world could consider hurting me again because for (take out the word 'for') he is standing beside me like a protective guard. He is my knight in shining armor, the prince of Cinderella, the Romeo of every Juliet. Even a simple memory or thought of him seems to shelter me from harm, and bring surprises into my life which could soon turn into reality.

This powerful, awe-inspiring sensation has finally found me. It's left me breathless and starry eyed, even though I never thought it could. My heart is a locket, and he holds the key. (Love those last sentences, they're AMAZINGLY poetic!) He is everything I could ever want. He took me completely by surprise; I found my reflection there in his eyes. (He is everything I could ever want; he took me completely by surprise. I found my reflection in his eyes.) At first, he was not what I expected him to be, but with time, I realized that he was everything and more. We have grown so close through the magical moments we (we've shared. The �)share, the first kiss, that was the first moment I knew he was the one for me. Our time together has only made me fall deeper in love, and it's a feeling that (take out 'that') I never want to lose. Joy, understanding, and care has (change this to 'have') filled our lives. I have never experienced this with another person before. This man's intoxicating personality has earned my respect and admiration, and (take out 'and' replace with a ; ) no one before (take out 'before') has ever shown me their soul in the way he has. How many people can truthfully say they have found their soul mate? I have and I can.

I admire the way he holds me close as I fall asleep on the couch while we are watching a movie. When all I want to do is cry, he comforts me. This feeling that (take out 'that') he gives me is (This feeling he gives me is, a warm glow �) like a warm glow tingling across my skin. Perfection is not possible in life nor in relationships, but those flaws make our time together that much more significant. The ups and downs make the ride worthwhile, and our disagreements make the bonds stronger. We have each other, and no moment between us is wasted.

Our affection is elegant, (this should be a ;) his arms around me are my one sanctuary (Our affection is elegant; his arms around me are my one sanctuary, sheltering me from everyday pain.) because he shelters me from everyday pain. Each moment we share is captivating; it transcends time and space. His laughter reminds me of the reasons why I fell in love with him in the first place. Compared to (is this 'his' or suppose to be 'this') his, all other smiles seem ordinary. Every emotion, every action is the definition of amazement. He is the reason for my rejoicing and the permanent presence of fulfillment in my heart.

I love him more with each passing day and I know that my deep (take out 'deep') feelings for him will only grow stronger as time progresses. Without him I am lost in a world of turmoil. He is my reason for living, I trust him with all that I am, and all I hope to be. He completes me in a way that fills my heart, overflowing with love. I feel so blessed to have found this wonderful man, and to make him my one and only. He is the sunlight that drives away the shadows; he turns my bad days into pure joy, and makes me whole. I will love him eternally.

There is nothing I do not like about him. He has the most adorable, and enticing green eyes, and his brown curly locks tempt the playful side in me. When he speaks, (joy comes alive in me) my joy comes alive. His touch makes me weak, and whenever I look into his eyes, I cannot turn away from his compelling gaze. I see the world as it could be, and how it should be through him. When he speaks, words are more then sounds (sound shouldn't be plural) and his voice is a lullaby from his heart to mine) plays as my lullaby from his heart to mine. His presence is my Eden.

There may be other men out there like the one I love. The same kindness he brings to me can be brought to other women; voyaging and searching for a man to mend their hearts from a broken experience. The one thing that holds us all together is hope. Hope will bring faith, and faith will bring destiny. Keep your hopes high to store that faith deep within. Love is sneaky, creeping in when you least expect it and wraps around your heart. You will find a man that will treat you well, and that will make your life whole. He will cherish and value you more than he will value his own life. He will risk anything and everything to be with you, (take out the , here) and you will do the same. Keep that hope, and nothing will fail to satisfy your dreams when you find, your one, true love.