Living or Existing

Another writing from two weeks before my suicide attempt over a year and a half ago.

I sit here, at this desk, in this hospital, and wonder.

Is this it? Or is there more? Am I living, or just existing?

Is this what my life consists of, and what it always will? Or will I find happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction?

Will I be full? Will my hunger be satisfied?

Striving to experience the thrills, the ups, the highs, is that enough?

Or should I let go of my needs, my wants, my fears and just live a life of happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction?