I Think, I Yearn, I Fear, I Feel, I Am

I wrote this two weeks before my suicide attempt that occurred about a year and a half ago. While writing this I was sitting at a desk in a mental hospital of sorts.

I think. I think of you. I think of me. I think of what could have been. I think of getting better. I think of dying. I think of living. I think of how I can go on just existing. I think of my needs, my wants and my fears.

I yearn. I yearn for happiness. I yearn for love. I yearn for fulfillment. I yearn for satisfaction. I yearn for closeness, both physical and emotional.

I fear. I fear my thoughts. I fear getting better. I fear change. I fear staying the same. I fear love. I fear living.

I feel. I feel dead. I feel sad. I feed empty. I feel lost.

I am…

What am I?

I am me.