The Moon

this is a really old one

Morning creeps up clear and pale,

And already I am tired.

Empty from aching,

Hollow from wanting.

 

You are unaware.

Smooth and soft and lost in sleep.

If I were brave I would wake you now,

If I were brave...

 

Last night you asked what was wrong

And I told you about the ocean,

How the snow and sea recoil from eachother.

You laughed and touched my hair.

 

So I lay awake staring at the sky

And I think that when you ask me again I will say,

That sometimes I imagine us as stars.

And if I'm brave I will tell you

 

That in truth I would rather be the Moon...

Reviews

[C.T. Bailey]

Sometimes its hard to say goodbye. Interesting flow and structure. I like this poem alot and it provides a crucible for thought in which we can examine the ways that we are sometimes passive in our search for contentment. The only jarring note to me is the use of the word "recoil". It seems to strike an overpowering emphasis in the stanza. A softer choice might be repel or resist. Very nicely done...I look forward to reading more from you.
Todd

[JRB]

never say goodbye, it just until later, nice write,
Jan/uisiom

[Scott Lynn]

I know the feeling all too well. But you've put it here in a beautiful tone, allowing us to see deeply into the narrator's soul. Well done.

[Anima Inspired]

Wow...this is really poignant. I love the angst and the pain in the narrator's "voice"...this gives the old addage "breaking up is hard to do" a different state of being entirely. I love the way that you have taken a human emotion and so eloquently related it to something almost mystical, like the stars and the moon. I've felt this pain before, and I can say that this piece has truly touched me because of that. Great work...

[Jim W White]

Lush tone to this.. there is a real ambience to the poem; can feel night air an see moonlight, hear/ feel shallow sleep-breathing. Heart-felt pining and fierce (yet honest/innocent) intellect. Nicely.

[Tony Hwilka]

I like your poem and it flows well, although I must agree with Emma,
Tony

[emmajoy]

OOh, n ot sure how t o interpret this.. that last line has me f oxed. You'd like to be even greater or mean even m ore to him than a star?

It's a fine p oem whatever t he truth is, flows s oo well.. ' Smooth and soft and l ost in sleep' - those three sss make for subtle, silky smoothness - lovely!