Just one more

About what you think it's about.

Just one more little tiny step
every night a little tiny death
I expel a shaky brittle breath
and perform a hasty little theft

Just one more little tiny sin
a mistake I said I'd never make again
a little tiny taste of medicine
and my face flexes in a shiny grin

a few more moments of stolen joy
a few of the older brain cells destroyed
and mamas clever little boy
creeps slowly closer to the void

each step I take is calculated
every choice I make evaluated
but the poisons convincing clever statements
reduces all my arguments and patience

to distant wails within the mist
so I scream and flail my futile fist
and once more I fail to resist

as if I ever really tried
I've never really feared to die

at least I think I'd get that right
this beast I don't know how to fight
and so I surrender to the night

Reviews

[Gossamerwings36]

You really feel the way he is dealing with his addiction, the danger of it, but how hard it is to let go, just one more time.

[Plexiglass]

Ok, so I like this poem. I think it's kinda cool how such a dark subject is handled with, what i feel, is a sing-songy rhyme. Its kind of a contrasting theme and form and I like that a lot. With that said I'm not sure if all of the rhymes work and I'm also not sure if this poem may be better served in free verse. Just for the freedom, because I got the sense some of the rhymes may've been kind of a stretch. Anyway, its still strong but I think it may drag a bit at the end. I think the weakest stanzas in your poem were the last three. And I don't think you need the third to last stanza at all because I think it just rehashes sentiments in the one before it without being as nuanced. Good work though, I really enjoyed it.

[Kt]

In the line "a little tiny taste of the medicine," I think it flows better if you omit the word "the." I feel like there should be one last line at the end, but I'm not sure why. I enjoy your use of slant rhyme. Very good job on that. I like the poem as a whole, as well, though there are a few spots where it seems to stumble.

[Floornine]

I like the rhyme scheme at the beginning, it doesn't work very often, but for this piece it does. It gives it a darkness that sets the mood. Nicely done.