April Fool

This is a story I wrote in 2010 for April Fool's Day. In it, David and his friends decide to prank each other on April 1st. One prank goes horribly wrong.

April Fool
by David Sanchez Williams

It had been a few weeks since my friend  Pemberton was brutally murdered at a pub, right in front of me and our friends.  The killers were never caught, and nobody in the community really cared anyways.  With all that negativity, we (Mark, his girlfriend, Audrey, and I) decided to have some fun on April 1st.

I was going to go with something simple, like IMing everyone as a different celebrity, or the old loose salt shaker cap prank.  Audrey is a sweet girl, so she had no plans.  Mark had a pretty horrible plan.  Mark was planning to put child porn into our boss's cell phone and work computer.  I told him it was a terrible idea, but he just wouldn't listen.

Mark's girlfriend, Eva, had a more daring prank.  Mark is an egotistical douchebag, and whenever he sees a guy looking at or in the direction of Eva, he starts making out with her, or he straight up starts threatening the guy.  Ironic, because he cheats on her constantly.  So, Eva wanted to make Mark jealous by acting like she was cheating on him...with me.

I didn't want to do it, but Eva said she would help me out in my situation with Audrey.  I am madly in like with Audrey, so I agreed.

It all started a week before April 1st.  Whenever Mark, Eva and I would meet up, Eva and I would hug.  A little longer than usual.  At first Mark didn't notice.  Then, when we'd be in a conversation, Eva would lightly caress my arm or shoulder.  I noticed Mark's eyes twitch a couple of time when she did this.  Mark didn't say anything.  Maybe because he didn't consider me competition.  Then the next phase began.

Eva canceled dates with Mark, giving him excuses like, "I need to wash my hair," or "I'm not feeling well.  I've got Bette Davis eyes."  Then she'd drive over to my house and hang out for a while.  We'd look out the window and see him driving slowly by my house.  "I think we've got him!" Eva exclaimed.

I got to know Eva a little better during this time.  She's a great girl with an unfortunate weakness for a-holes.  I just didn't have the heart to tell her that Mark cheats on her.  She also gave me advice on wooing Audrey.  I may try it out.  Who knows.

April 1st came, and the final part of the prank had to happen.  We got Audrey involved in the prank.  She was going to go to lunch with Mark, since Eva wasn't at work that day.  She'd take him to a restaurant, where they'd find me and Eva having a romantic meal.  We'd pretend not to see them, and finally, we'd yell out April Fools!

The day started out horribly.  Our boss got caught with the child porn, and was escorted out of the building by security.  Mark was too much of a coward to say it was a prank.  Our boss got fired.  I tried telling the higher-ups, but they were too busy holding emergency meetings.

Finally lunch time came, and I went to the restaurant.  Audrey had to convince Mark to go to lunch with her, he was pretty shaken up about the boss.  I met Eva at the restaurant, where she was wearing Mark's favorite outfit of her's.

Audrey came in with Mark.  They sat at the far end of the restaurant, Audrey with her back to us, and Mark facing our direction.  Mark looked strange.  He seemed cool and cocky.

"Audrey," Mark said, "you know how much I love Eva.  I just gotta say...I want you.  I know you want me.We can just leave this restaurant, go to a Motel 6, and go wild on each other.  What do you say?"  Audrey simply stood up and slapped the taste out of his mouth.  She left the restaurant quickly.  Then Mark saw us.  His eyes grew large with rage.  Eva was speechless.  Mark walked out.  Eva ran out after him.  I was left with the check.

After work, Audrey called me to tell me what happened.  Eva told him this was all an April Fools Day prank, but Mark didn't believe her.  He said, "You come here, breff smellin' like ding-ding, expecting me to forgive you?  F*** you!"  He punched her face, and left their apartment.  Audrey said he was coming after me.

A few minutes pass by, and there is an obnoxious knock on my door.  I open it, and it's Mark.  "You couldn't keep it in yer pants, could ya?  I thought we were bros.  Bros before ho's as they say," Mark said between clenched teeth.  "Why'd you have to hurt Eva?  This was all a joke," I told Mark.  Mark kept walking forward, making me back up.

"You're a joke, David, and Eva's a w***e," Mark hissed in my face.  Before I could say anything, Mark punched my face, which knocked me down.  He started kicking me on the ground.  I tried to get up, but I was woozy.  He grabbed my mini bust of Chun Li and threw it at my head.  It hurt, and I started bleeding.  I got up and punched his face, and then did a jumping knee to his head.  He flew into the bookcase, and all the books fell on top of him.

I turned my back to him so I could call 911, but he lunged at me, knocking me  to the ground again.  He got on top of me and started strangling me with both of his hands.  I couldn't breathe, so I started punching at his face.  He dodged most of them, and I was blacking out.  I started reaching around for a weapon.  I got one, and smothered his face with it.

"What the f***!  Using yer dirty thong on me?  I'll rip yer d*** off with it!" Mark maniacally said.  Before he could castrate me, the police barged in and broke us up.  Audrey thankfully called the police, just in case.

Mark was arrested, spent a few days in jail, and got away with it basically.  He convinced Eva to drop all charges.  He then proposed to her, and she accepted.  I spent a month in the hospital, recovering from my injuries. 

Only Audrey came to visit me.

Author's Note

how is the formatting for the quotes/dialogue?