suicidal

All in one word
.... how I'm feeling right now
But it's different from the world (People who would care a few friends maybe and my family)
Have I told them about having this feeling..... I have not
The world can be cold but yet that's not even the main focus
"Were supposed to be happy yet there comes a time where depression kicks in"
Am I suicidal? ...... yes, I am
I've attempted this action more than one time..... only to jump in front of a bus or car (maybe fall off a bridge)
Do I care what you think I should or should not do?.... personally you can kiss my a*s
Its not funny or a f*****g game, because I am sort of alone and talking about it will eventually make things worse (S**t spreads)
Especially since the closest friend I'll ever know pulled me out the street "Sure, I'll cry for hours but that's nothing New"
Have you seen my eyes?..... What exactly do you see is the main question because to the world I'm happy but to myself I'm dying more and more each day
Causing stress to my heart and brain. ... I get pains everyday but I haven't told my parents.... SO PEOPLE NEED TO LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET S**T GO, yea I'm aware people at school talk s**t
THATS NOTHING EVEN CLOSE TO IMPORTANT..... just ignorance as they ask" why did you try and kill yourself? ".... considering the fact that I don't GIVE A f**k
It started with one word "suicidal"