I'm fine

I've come to the point where living isn't an option
I can put on a brave face using this smile to create an illusion that I'm happy
"happier than yesterday"
My body aches
And as I look down at these pills
"these pills in my hand"
The only way out is these f*****g pills in my hand
My eyes tear up, my memory of my friends existence seems foggy, hands are shaking, and the sounds of knocks at the door welcomes me to reality "I'm fine"
As I always say to my friends
Just out of curiosity have you ever past out just to find yourself lying in a hospital bed
After getting your stomach pumped
"I overdosed"
I've cried so much that it because common to where crying is my new best friend
I've been battling with depression with the thought of committing suicide
Tears flow gracefully down my cheeks
"I'm fine"
I say these words including a smile or a laugh to tell my friends "I don't want to talk about, I'm depressed and I want to kill myself more and more each day"
Without even telling them that all
I've cut myself every where you could think of
I've stood on top of high buildings looking down imaging how many feet to the drop zone
I've overdosed on medication and heroine
Thousands of needle marks and scars "yet I'm wondering why I'm still alive"
I'm only seventeen
All these thoughts came into my head since the day my mom past and my dad molested me in my sleep
"I put myself in corners"
I don't like being touched
No hugs
No nothing
Because at the end of every day and the start of a new morning
I look at myself in the mirror
Gazing into my own "wondering why does it have to happen to me"
I wouldn't wish this s**t on anybody not even my worst enemies
Crying just became my new best friend
As tears roll down my cheek and needles shooting through my skin and blood vessels
"I'm fine"

Reviews

[Irish SOaP]

My mouth was wide open at the end of this peom. Like...what the f**k? So many thoughts are running in my head becasue of this poem. It was amazingly writen and I like how you tell a story of a boy so well that he might as well be real. I've never had suicidel thoughts so I can't realate but still. DAMN! Well done.