Eli's First Day

“What the f**k am I doing here?” I thought aloud to myself when the realization of where I was hit me square in the face. I’m watching, from the back of the church pews, Julia’s parents crying quietly next to a medium sized casket. S**t, it really did happen. I walk slowly towards them and they give me a quick glare and go back to mourning their beautiful daughter. Whatever, they hated me when Julia was alive. Why would they suddenly love me when she was dead, especially since this was all my fault? I walk right past them to the casket to see the love of my life one last time. She was dressed head to toe in her normal attire. My lovely girlfriend wore a black skull and crossbones bow in her long, flat ironed-straight jet black hair, the flattering black and red corset dress she wore when I took her to the tenth grade sweetheart’s dance, her favourite fishnet stockings and her black Doc Martens she got at the Goodwill in eighth grade. Damn. She even looked good dead. I was afraid that her parents would have opted out of her normal wear and dressed her in something you’d find in a Catholic Church sermon, but maybe they wanted to honour their daughter as a final plea for their acceptance. Julia’s parents, “The Carson’s”, were not a fan of the way she, or I for the matter, dressed or the music she liked. They were straight edged and were always trying to make Julia that way. God I miss her. I placed a black rose in her hand and walked toward the big church doors, shuffling past the grim glares my classmates were burning at me.

 

            I woke up in my new bed, in my new house, very abruptly. My body and blanket were damp from the sweat that occurred from my nightmare the night before. My alarm was going off and that signaled that I have exactly thirty minutes to get myself decent and off to my new school. I groan out loud and look at the clock. 7:30 am on a Monday morning. There really is no God. I take a quick, five minute shower and throw a comb through my long, wet dyed black hair and eat a banana. I grab the keys to my car off the living room table and start to head outside. My parents are still asleep and I throw an angry glace at the lucky b******s. My parents, Bullfrog and Cece, are shock jocks at the radio station here in Toronto, Ontario. They were previously the SJs at a local station in our old town in British Columbia. We moved last week in hopes that my depression would get better if I wasn’t constantly reminded of my girlfriend who had passed away a few months prior. But no such luck, you can’t win everything I guess. This was all new for me, the life being flipped upside for me. I had it all going for me. Great, supportive parents, amazing friends, and an incredibly gorgeous girlfriend. But my life changed in a blink of an eye. And now I, Elijah Evan Goldsworthy, was going to be the new emo kid freak at my new high school. “I can’t wait to see what kind of people Degrassi Community School has waiting for me”, I spat sarcastically.

            I quickly unlock my car, which is f*****g awesome by the way, and plug my phone into the auxiliary jack. I drive a 1962 Miller Meteor-Bodied Cadillac Hearse and it was my pride and joy. I bought it myself last summer when I turned sixteen. I had saved up all my money I made working at the local Dairy Queen. I hated that job and the fact that I had to turn down every concert that summer to save every penny that I made. My parents were awesome, but they never spoiled me. Of course I had food to eat and clothes to wear but my extracurriculars were all on me. It drove me crazy every once in a while, but I understood they were just trying to make me responsible. God were they wrong. I’m half way to school now and I barely noticed because I was so engrossed in the song playing through my surround system. I’ve said it once, I’ve said it twice, I’ve said it a thousand f*****g times. That I’m okay, that I’m fine, that it’s all just in my mind. But this has got the best of me, and I can’t seem to sleep. It’s not cause you’re not with me, its cause you never leave. I scream the Bring Me the Horizon song as loud as my voice will let me. It’s much better to come off angry than it is depressed. I finally pull up at my new high school and decide right then that my junior year will be the worst. I park my hearse in a parking spot and slowly descend into hell. “Let’s do this s**t”, I say out loud to no one in particular.

            I find my locker quickly even though I have never been in this building before. That’s just the way it is for me. Things have always came easy to me. Julia’s death is what finally balanced out my life. I got what was coming to me. I was putting my black messenger bag in my locker when this small, freakishly girly looking boy suddenly taps me on the shoulder. “Hey! My name is Adam. My locker is next to yours so it looks like we’re going to seeing each other a lot- I’m new here and just looking for friends. Dude!”. The small boy punches me in the shoulder and smiles at me like I’m his favourite celebrity. “Err. Hey there…dude? I’m Eli. Nice to meet you”. “Wait up,” Adam calls out for me again, “What class are you going to? I have math with Armstrong, do you?”. “Um yeah I do”. I didn’t really expect people to want to hang around me, usually my emo look scares people off and I was kind of hoping for that. At least for the first day. “Is it okay if I walk with you? My older brother Drew is a senior and said that if I hang around him all day he might pound me”. Wow, Adam’s brother sounds like a f****t. “Sure, man”. Ugh. I can’t believe that I am a junior in all sophomore classes. The only junior level class I have this year is second period English. I guess my schoolwork took a back burner last May when Julia died. During math, I really started talking to Adam. He actually was pretty cool, we liked a lot of the same music and movies. But there was something a little weird about him. But maybe that’s just his “thing”. Like my look was my “thing”. Sigh, and Julia’s. I have got to stop thinking about her, it’s been months since she has passed and I didn’t need to be depressed here. Especially when my parents packed up their wholes lives so I could have a fresh start. Even though I didn’t ask for a “fresh start”, I thought to myself bitterly.

            Adam and I darted out of the classroom when the bell rang, we walked to our lockers together quickly. I told him my next class was eleventh grade English, the only one we didn’t have together, and told him goodbye and I’d see him later. I walked into the room whose door had read “MRS. DAWES”. At least I actually like English, this class should be alright this year. The wirily woman at the blackboard I assumed was Mrs. Dawes. She called back to me and whoever was behind to take a seat anywhere we liked. I picked a seat towards the back, not the very back. I don’t want Mrs. Dawes to think I’m a troublemaker on my very first day ever at DCS, I smirked in my head sarcastically. Teachers loved me naturally, girls fawned over me, and parents thought I was perfect. When except for her parents of course. But those fuckers had issues all their own. By the time the bell rang, the classroom was full and Mrs. Dawes had started talking. She was saying something about a student in the tenth grade joining the class. I was too busy painting my nails with my black sharpie to pay attention to whoever the applause was for. For the rest of the class, we read Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare and of course my head went directly to her. She was f*****g everywhere. Guilt was never going to escape me.

            The rest of the day went by in a blur. It wasn’t an unbearable day by any means, but I was glad to be going home. I walk toward Morty, that’s what I call my hearse, and start him up. Hey, he actually started easily this time. Morty had a habit of breaking down often and I was always working on him. I didn’t mind though, I loved that thing. I plug my phone in and begin searching for something to listen to for the ride home. I finally settled on one and started to exit the parking lot. I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut. My weakness is that I care too much. And my scars remind me that the past is real, I tear my heart open just to feel is blasting through the speakers and I’m bopping my head, pretending I’m at a private concert rather than a high school parking lot. I feel something under Morty’s tire and hear a loud “CRUNCHHH”. F**k, what did I hit? I quickly get out of the car to see a broken pair of glasses and two cute girls standing in front of me. “I think they’re dead”, I said oozing of sarcasm. I held out the broken glasses in front of the two girls, to no one in particular, trying to figure out who they belong to. “I don’t wear glasses, fortunately”, the first girl said after an awkward moment of silence. She was definitely pretty. Obviously of Middle Eastern descent, she had long dark brown hair, sultry eyes and her body was shown off in the skimpiest of outfits. Not my type at all. The other girl however, was drop dead gorgeous. She had short, curly brown hair and these deep blue eyes that I could stare at forever. She wore a baggy grey sweatshirt and even baggier grey sweatpants. She looked nothing like Julia. And I didn’t even care, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.

            She muttered something about laser eye surgery and how she didn’t need them anymore. I flatly said without thinking, “You have pretty eyes”. UGH. Why would I say that, I don’t even know her name. And she’s not Julia. “T-thanks. See you around?” she stuttered. “Maybe you will.” I gave her a little wink and went back to Morty. I probably looked like an idiot and sounded like one too. I had never had such an instant feeling for a girl since I met Julia in the eighth grade, and that was a long time ago. The song changed and I wasn’t even listening to it, I couldn’t get those sea blue eyes out of my mind. They were tantalizing my every thought and before I knew it, I was home. I park Morty in the driveway and unlock the front door. My parents will be home late, like usual. I throw my keys on the coffee table in the living room and see a twenty dollar bill and a note. The note read “Eli-bear, Bullfrog and I won’t be home in time for dinner, we have a long night tonight. Order a pizza, clean up the kitchen, and do your homework. We love you baby and we’ll see you in the morning! Love Cece”. Cool, I love pizza nights. I know their job pays well but damn, I wish I could see my mom when I get home from school every day. I love my parents and wish I could spend more time with them. I order my pizza and wait for it to arrive. I open my laptop and click my favourite web browser open. I type in FaceRange and search Adam Torres. I add him as a friend and start looking through Degrassi student users. I see the same girl with the sapphire eyes. Her name is Clare Edwards. Oh my god, even her name is beautiful.

            In her profile picture, she’s standing in a background that has a giant, obnoxious wooden cross. Great. The girl is a Christian. There goes every shot I thought I had with her. I take a closer look at the picture, she’s wearing a tight flowery dress and a matching headband. She looked so put together, so perfectly gorgeous, I added silently in my head. But she looks so different than when we met in the parking lot today. After school she looked like she just got done running a marathon, hell maybe she did. I didn’t know a thing about this supposedly perfect, Christian sweetheart, Clare Edwards. Whatever. She’s not my type anyway, and I’m sure Julia wouldn’t like it if I was having thoughts for another girl, especially one who looked like she belonged at a 1960’s sock hop. I grimaced sinisterly, Julia’s dead and it’s all your fault, and she doesn’t give a f**k anymore. I’m startled by a knock at the door, oh right. Pizza. I hand the delivery boy the twenty and close the door. I finish my dinner, I clean the kitchen, and I head off to my bedroom. I didn’t have any homework so I continued my FaceRange stalking for a couple of hours more. The more I look at her, the more engrossed I am. I fall asleep staring at her pictures. I wake up to my alarm going off again.

Ugh. This is going to be a long year.