for once I would like to stay

what you wanted i could not give, not provide, not produce...I was not able to.

what you imagined to be fine was twisted and destructive, but I stood still in the storm.

your eyes seemed to look beyond where I was, your eyes were fixed on another frontier... a land without me there.

I don't know why I thought I could help, I don't know why I volunteer to be chained to such journeys and to always know they will end this way, always ending with me walking away...for once I would like to stay.

and for once I would like to stay, to stay in a warm bed next to that warm body...to feel her kiss on my forehead.

I follow these lines, I follow the words and the gestures, I follow to find and hope to find again.

my steps my seem crossed, they may seem slow and dragging but I follow to find and hope to find again.

my heart pounding, my head spinning, I need to fly into that spiders web and have her feast upon me...to feel the hunger and her fangs...it seems to be a relentless need to have her feed.

it is as though two creatures live and lie within my skin.   dogs fighting.

only the ocean during a full moon will let those dogs sleep, to sleep and let them be, be still, so still.

will they wake hungry, will they wake angry, will they not wake and let the stillness stay, let it stay - I want the stillness to stay.