menstruation

This blinding pain inside me,

Threatens to take my life,

And even if it isn’t so,

It still dwells inside my bones,

Its grip on me, the hardest I’ve known,

.

It splits like broken glass up my body,

Corrupting the stream of blood,

It fixes itself in my shadow,

When I move, it moves with me,

.

Its like a knife inside me,

Twisting as I breathe,

It tangles in my ovaries and sends electric shocks,

Cradles the ovum and covers it in an electronic plum,

Tighter and tighter it squeezes,

Until a spark goes off,

.

That spark multiplies,

And carries up my bloodstream,

All the way to my brain,

Making me dizzier and dizzier,

Until I cave into the pain and faint,

.

•   °    +   °   •

.

As blood drips down my legs,

Stains my pants,

And my dress,

I am no longer conscious,

.

This pain,

I only know of in my dreams,

Or every other month,

Or every 2 months,

As my hormones have yet to find their place in this world as well as I,

.

When I regain consciousness,

I breathe,

And its as if the knife has become something more than itself,

The knife has swollen in me,

Sharpening against the walls of that which its inside,

.

I bleed vigorously,

As the knife inside me twists and turns with each breath that is spelt out into the air,

‘’

All is quiet in my mind,

I don’t think,

I only think I’ve had enough, but that is not for me to think,

It decides on its own when its ready to leave,

Not you, not me,

.

I feel like I am dying,

Like every bone in my body is being crushed,

But it’s not,

I am in so much, and yet- no matter how I describe it to you,

You will never understand unless you’ve gone through the exact same thing,

But that is impossible,

Because nobody goes through one experience, the same way.

__

Khat, who is in so much pain, and just wants relief from it, heating pads don’t work, nothing works…