“We rode along these line”

“We rode along these line”

9.17.21

10.28am

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I remember the shadows of these racetracks,

They line my face like a road map,

What’s in a name?

What kept me apart from my past and my pain?

..

you slipped away into the cracks of my consciousness and never came back,

What was it you craved?

Where did it take you?

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Did you crave to be wanted, some superficial has-been?

Something out of your reach?

The fireplaces weren’t even that hot,

Do you remember as we rode side by side?

You calmly riding down those bumpy fissures,

And i?

“

I yelled into the wind,

I yelled and yelled until the lungs inside of me yelled out too,

My breath was caught in the spokes, and yours remained still inside of you, struggling to come out,

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Was this how you intended it to be?

Is it everything you wanted ?

Those two girls are ghosts now, one slipped away into the bowels of my deepest core, and the other into the floorboards of my linen wrapped mattress…

*

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Time passes, and to that I say,

You are a coward for not believing me when I told you of what happened,

At least if it was you, I would’ve come straight to your house in disarray,

How dare you leave me!

How far you have come in your journey of “knowledge”,

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What a fool I have been,

For 16 years, I’ve burnt it in my head that you were a friend,

16 years,

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it’s a miracle that I even think of you, actually- not much so, as i’ve learned it’s within us all to think of people that we once came across,

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We stood in each other’s footprints,

Staring into the clouds for one night that felt like a lifetime, until suddenly, you turned around and smiled at me and held my hand,

“Nothing will ever come between, not even religion”

And I held onto those words that felt like distant worlds colliding into each other, turning into a star,

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I’ve held onto those words for so long that I wasn’t ready to let go of them,

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And so, when it was time to let go of them,

you made it so easy because

you ignored

me,

__

Khat