Dear Reckless Me

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Dear Reckless Me,

 

It’s been a while,

Since I closed my eyes to breathe,

But every time I see the backs of my eyelids, I always think of you,

How you used to be.

 

I don’t miss the yelling, I don’t miss the crying,

I don’t miss how needy you were, the dependency was like a drug,

I told you so many times, just coz you love someone, that doesn’t mean you give up, but you always implied it was never enough.

 

So goodbye to you, farewell to those tears,

I’ve changed so many times,

I haven’t been home in years,

And I’m sorry for taking my time,

I know it took me ages to realize, took me ages to open up my eyes.

 

I didn’t wanna rush it,

Didn’t wanna give in to the moments,

I was too scared to know,

How will you ever forgive me?

And in fact, I don’t care,

If you do or if you don’t,

Coz when I tried to help you,

You pretended I wasn’t there.

Ran away crying, screaming,

Said you saw a ghost.

 

Well now I’m here to tell you, I’m doing so much better,

And when it rains, I no longer need you for my shelter,

You said someday I’d be crying, leave my wings a tangled mess,

But I guess that never happened; you left me infallibly un-stressed.

 

I loved all of our midnight drama, when you couldn’t sleep and you were up all night, just thinking about karma,

You said someday they’d all get a chance to know how you felt,

How when you got older, they’ll feel the knives have been digging into their souls,

But then you’d admit a night later, you were like a kid, so angry and so full of it,

Wasn’t I the one to tell you drop whatever it was that was holding you back from that smile?

Didn’t I tell you to forget?

 

But I bet you don’t remember, so I’m here to remind you,

That even though you couldn’t be here, I’m here to do the things you never could do.