Numb

by Khatoon Hazara on January 25. © Khatoon Hazara, All rights reserved

I am numb, I cannot feel.
What is fake, what is real?
I tend to judge, way too fast.
If I broke in a run, I won't come back.
I am sick of seeing my face in a reflective surface.
I am tired of locating where my demons hide.

I am fatigue.
There is yelling, and it looks like bouts of thunder claps near my ear.
The sound is overwhelming.
Which is why, at times, I tend to disappear.
You say you love me,
but why does it hurt every time you touch me.

It feels like acid, my skin is burning under your love.
They say that it's limitless,
but isn't there such a thing as too much?
I tend to say the thoughts coming to and fro.
But when I ever-so-slightly open my mouth, you go.
It's fine, I don't mind it, I'm alright, I deserve it.
I just wanted you to hear my worries and my fears, but I guess you'll have to go without.

In the silence, my thoughts are loud and clear, but in a crowded room, there isn't nobody here.
Even with all the hurt, the stitches that we made,
Sometimes, yes, it does take time to heal,
but at the end, it all just fades.
I guess we won't ever be as great as our Ancestors were at getting through turmoil, but we still have to learn.
We can't all assume that they were perfect, because even the Prefects have there strays.
The places they messed up on, the permanent bruises, if you take a closer look at their skin, I bet you'd see
that they aren't made so perfectly.

I guess what I'm trying to say
I wasn't made in any way
other than the way that I was made in.
If I was made to feel this way,
I guess you can't help me anyway...
So please, just give me time to regenerate.