"The Mental Breakdown Of My Psychosis"

"The Mental Breakdown Of My Psychosis" 

KH 

 

 

Must we keep ourselves informed; 

you've already proven your superiority 

and I am afraid of it; clarity condones; I am afraid of your trait, 

not of you. 

 

But there is an infliction of pain in your eyes, 

the same kind that passes through mine with ever 

pausing  

breath. 

 

Can you look at me? 

Straight, in between my eyes; 

can you look at me and tell me I am different? 

Because if you choose to do so, be prepared to share how so. 

 

Shadows love playing their game of tag; 

back and forth of my eyes, 

sounds too, love their limelight. 

Insanity is what I live off of. 

 

You do not know what it is like, 

but here; 

I will tell you so that you have, at least, a sense of my dissociation. 

There are people, constantly, to and fro my minds' lithosphere. 

 

I am paranoid; 

there are people after me and they will not stop 

until they have me, until they have what it is 

they have been after. 

 

Welcome to my Home; 

the same home I have been in for so many years, 

17 years and counting 

of dissociating, time and again. 

 

I hate these words, I use them and yet 

they are rotting 

they mean nothing to me anymore; 

suddenly, yes, I am entering into the realm of everyone's nightmares; 

 

Suddenly, I have lost interest in almost everything I used to take interest in for so long. 

 

Suddenly, and slowly have I progressed from an infant to where I stand here; a dissociated mind, wanting and thirsting for something even it cannot fathom. 

 

You think of me as nothing; a hole in the Grand Matrix of things and suddenly, this is not a poem anymore, is it? 

 

You cut me off 

but I am politely telling you not to this time; 

listen to what I must say. 

 

Are we nothing really, 

simplistic entities, 

no, I must be something of importance for I have feelings. 

 

Sentimental values have I, there are ties that connect us to this world 

to this body 

to this life, 

we cannot leave, for it Is too late to break off the chains we have materialized for ourselves. 

 

 

These chains, are nothing really, threads of love and joy and happiness, 

something even the likes of you will never be able to understand, 

but maybe, one day, after all your bitterness goes, but then again, 

my initial function has gone corrupted. 

 

 

Reviews

[siobhan]

Really beautiful. Loved this a lot. You was stating about paranoia, which reminds me of my experiences. Fantastic poem, will keep a look out for more of your writing!