A Lonely Girls Thoughts

Entry One: 27 September, 2016

I don't even know why I bought this stupid thing. I was at Walmart the other day picking up some my favorite Ben and Jerrys ice cream, The Tonight Dough, when I remembered I had to get some note cards for an english project that was coming up. I'm sure every Walmart is the same and everyone knows that all the school supplies is grouped together, but when I was picking up my mountain of note cards this plain grey spiral bound journal was just was sitting there. It looked out of place and as if it had been discarded, yet some how I weirdly felt connected with it. Immediately I thought to my self, "have I really reached the point where I am actually relating to a journal??" But the truth of the matter is, yes. Yes, I perfectly identify with this grey, spiral bound journal that someone didn’t even think twice about and tossed it to the side. I decided then that I should take the journal home and give it life. “This journal shall fulfill its worth!”, I exclaimed in my mind while lifting it in front of my face. Realizing what I was doing I put the journal down in my cart, “wow”, I mazed at myself, “I need to get out more.” So with my cold and probably melting Ben and Jerrys, note cards, and now my new grey journal, I went for the checkout line and headed home.
So to answer my question from earlier as to "not knowing why I bought this stupid thing", I think maybe deep down I do know why and I just don’t want to admit it to myself. This journal is grey and it has blank lined pages inside of it reaching from cover to cover. Right now I feel like I am in a "grey" part of my life. I’m not always happy and I definitely don’t have everything together like white would. On the other hand though, I’m not miserable or dying, I don’t have storm clouds following my every step like black would. I’m grey. I’m happy sometimes as to where I have no cares in the world, and I have everything together and I know exactly what to do with everything planned out in detail. Then theres times where I feel so alone and sad, and that nobody hears me, or wants to call/text me to check in on me. Sometimes I question if my friends are truly "friends" because they don’t reach out like I normally do, and the thing I fear the most...would they even notice or care if I were to disappear? I think about this a lot.
Anyways I think thats all I'm going to write for this first entry today. So now I'm just going to finish up some homework, watch some Netflix, and eat my Ben and Jerrys. Even though it feels like thats all I do these days. I'll make the best of it...at least thats what I always try to do.

Author's Note

Would love to know your thoughts on this and what you think could improve it. I have a good idea of how I want this story to conitue, but just want to know if it is interesting to keep on. Thank you!