Shallow waters.

This abyss,
that is my life;
Wreathing around the cold shroud
of my undead body,
Spiraling into darkness
and coming back again,
To haunt me;
Pulling me back
from the deep dark sea of gloom,
And suffocating me
in a puddle,
Who knew I would drown in shallow waters?

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Your point is brilliant . . . we go thru amazingly tough life experiences & then sometimes it's one small thing that slays us. You show this in a way that immerses the reader in imagery and I almost missed your point, I was so taken in by how everything looks & feels as imagery, just imagining such a journey. I love a well-posed question to make a point like this. I also really love how this seems like a "dark" poem, but there's no anguish to be felt, more of an acceptance, explaining how life goes down (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Cherrie]

With the first two words my mind started whirling conjectures on where this was going. You really constructed a tragic account.

I love your word choice and the powerful image of this shallow grave haunting the protagonist.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Such a sad piece as the description is of such deep unhappiness even though the protagonist tried not to delve too deeply into life and made few demands.

[Bryad Polis Valentino]

Beautiful. I can't get over the imagery. Thanks for sharing, friend.

[Fairy Khan]

Thank you for your kind words, Bryad.

[Bryad Polis Valentino]

Welcome. You need anything else, I'm your man. Looking forward to seeing more. :)

[LitStar]

dark and intimate

stanzas that drown us with the writer

[Fairy Khan]

Thanks, Lit.

[LitStar]

glad to review

[Jibey]

Life and death, the sad realty of our lives and the human spirit that struggles on.. There is no escape from the war... This was a painful but powerful read.

[Fairy Khan]

There is no escaping your own mind. Thank you for reading. I appreciate your review.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Life surprises us even when we feel like we've had our share of surprises... your last line hits hard. And I do relate to your piece. Well penned.

P.S. not that it's absolutely necessary, but I do think you could tinker with the lay out to make it read more smooth. Just a suggestion.

[Fairy Khan]

I tried to adjust the layout slightly to make it smooth on your suggestion. Thank you for an actual review, my friend. :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You're welcome. And I definitely like your poem more now. I think you're a good addition to the writing community here :)

[Lea Sheryn]

Darkly Interesting. You express your thoughts and feelings very well.

[Fairy Khan]

Thank you, Sheryn.

[Lea Sheryn]

You're very welcome.

[Vin]

ending with such a question, so that each can ask unto themselves!! good one!

[Fairy Khan]

Thanks. I appreciate your words here.