Let me drown.

I wipe the fog off the mirror with my hand,
The frailty in my knees makes it hard to stand,
The blurry bathroom lights impale my eyes,
The water strips me of my perfect disguise.

My skin, red with rage, for the absence of my care,
As I try washing off what isn’t even there.
My body curses me for being plagued with these scars,
Some carved by blades, and some by smoldering cigars.

I breathe and breathe as I run out of air,
‘til all I can see is darkness and fear,
I call out for help but suddenly remember the evil,
That hell isn’t a place, it’s other people.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Writing about self-harm & suicide can come out as a bleak outpouring sometimes, & this is fine for those who need to release the pressure of bottling up such hard feelings. But as writers, we are here to turn our pain into art, rather than a rant (just my preference) -- this is what you've done best here. This is a very artful outpouring with vivid imagery & strong rhyme. I think of cigars smoldering, not blazing (just being picky). I agree that other people create most of the hell we live thru! Powerful ending! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Fairy Khan]

Thanks a lot. I too think that 'smoldering'is the better word. Thanks for the review. It's appreciated.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

fantastic ending to this...not a place but people...
I do agree with Chris...a bit off on rhythm...but then life can be a bit off, and our lives can lose rhythm and hope at the same time.
j.

[Fairy Khan]

Thank you. :)

[Chris Shaw]

I also found the final two lines memorable. A poem which reminds me of the struggles some people have with life. Good piece.

Chris

[Fairy Khan]

Thanks. (:

[Chris]

The last two lines are memorable...

The rhythm of your words stumbled a bit. Try reading them aloud to see where the stumbling happens?

[Fairy Khan]

Noted and changes made. Thank you. :)

[Chris]

You did very, very well - smooth and rhythmic AND very relatable.