Life's changeable squares

nothing is permanent in life

 

night..that dark black huge dress

with both the good and the bad are hidden beneath

people...most of them are at their homes

but many are still..homeless

some have been to their beds

but some are sleepless

some are enjoying a company

while some are suffering from loneliness

some are cuddling with their lovers

while some are thinking of lovers they miss

some are satisfied with their lives

while others' lives are in a mess

some are feeling relaxed

but some are under heavy stress

some are praising life's sweetness

others are complaining from its bitterness

for some, money is in piles

others are in bad need for one pence

 

what a diverse

in such a universe

each one thinks it is his or hers

while really they are just tiny squares

today you are in a square of happiness

tomorrow you move to a square of sadness

today you are useful and in focus

tomorrow you are neglected, useless

today you may be cheap

tomorrow you may become pricelss

 

just be wise

look out of your square

see those over there

if they are suffering,

pay some care

try to share

if today you are safe, tomorrow you maybe insecure

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

inspired from Mubarak, president for 30 years and now in prison facing death..life is mortal, dont trust it, do today for tomorrow

Reviews

[patricia]

This was realy enjoyable, it took me right out of self without while at the same time encouraging me.

[Aya]

The last line apply on mubarak alright :D
the whole poem speaks of life and the balance than must be there so you can know what you have and what you could have had..
My favorite words are
what a diverse,in such a universe
each one thinks its his or hers while really they are just tine squares.
Great write

[frivolous treasures]

What a marvelous write! I loved all the metaphors used within your writing. Very touching, my heart goes out to all those in stressful times.
Maika'i no, great job... I love your writes

[khalid]

thank you so much for your nice compliment. btw, what does Maika'i no, mean?

[frivolous treasures]

Your very welcome. 'Maika'i no' means great job :D

[khalid]

may i know what language it is?

[frivolous treasures]

Hawaiian :)

[khalid]

Mahalo!

[frivolous treasures]

A'ole pilikia! (Your welcome) :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Great wisdom in the words. Never know where the world would take us. Good to be kind and generous when possible. Thank you for the outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Miss CB]

Wow!!! Your use of multi's and metaphors was great... Well done!!!

[†Tracey†]

Excellent job!

[The Pain Stays Fresh]

This is really good. I love the metaphors.

[tigerfight]

(Thank you for the review. I'll return the favor.)

The ideas are here but the poem has several areas that could use revision. A few thoughts:

1) Ellipses (...) does little to further a piece. The pause they generate (in general) is usually stilted and emotional, not a trademark of mature writing.

2) Flesh out your images. I really liked the beginning metaphor about hiding behind a dress. Though "hiding behind mother's skirts" is a cliched image, you could still carry it through the poem in a unique way.

3) Though, using descriptors like "dark black huge" takes away from the imagery. First of all, three modifiers is two too many, and even if you choose not to change them, it's always good to look at a Thesaurus to vamp up your vocabulary.

4) Another image that jumped out at me as far as the possibility of "fleshing out" goes is the "game board." What does this board look like? Who are the players? The pawns? I know these questions are easily answered by the exposition in your poem, and I hate to use this line, but... Show, don't tell?

[Mockingbird]

i agree, life is a board of changeable squares. you may have it all one day then lose everything the next. we shouldn't take for granted our blessings. those who are indigent and suffering we should try to be mindful of them, we might one day become one of them. i can honestly relate to your words.

[Emrick]

man.you got amazing ideas.I like this poem and the reality in it.
honestly i feel sorry for Mubarak.if i was egypt,if i was all those egyptians id forgive him and let him go. (i dont remember which book or part in the bible but there is somewhere God says your leader is your leader since the world has refused to let God lead them then they should be calm with there leader even if he is cruel.and when you betray your leader is like you betrayed God.hope am not offendin you or any Egyptian n if iam am sorry.
its sad really.i never wish to be in Mubarak's or any of his family shoes.