Miss you, Chester

Life is hollow without him

It was 2 AM when I heard the news. One of my old band mates; with whom I was not on speaking terms had called. Once I let it go to voice mail, next I let my wife pick it up and tell him that I was sleeping. He still insisted to speak to me. I took the phone and without any preliminary hello he said, “Chester is dead.” 

I couldn’t believe it. I was shocked. Still, I did not respond to him, hoping this was a part of very vivid dream.

 

The next morning proved that it was not a dream. The social media was in frenzy. I was shocked and didn’t know what to do now. I still couldn’t believe it. Once more this news had spread the social media like wildfire and turned out to be fake news. Only hours later, I truly believed and broke down entirely.

 

I lost count of my tears that day. Everyone was posting on Facebook about their memories and condolences and sharing best moments of his life. I could barely breathe. I didn’t know what to post which signified how much he meant to me. After scrolling through my news feed and getting more and more depressed by the minute, I came to a decision. I just posted that I won’t be online on social media streams for 15 days to honour the one and I logged out immediately.

 

I couldn’t listen to LP Songs after that. I remembered all the times his voice was the only thing that let me kept my sanity; the only gleam of light in my once dark life. Today my beautiful life suddenly turned empty, full of darkness and with no way out of it. I finally started to accept the reality that the world was less one beautiful, melodious soul.

 

I heard he committed suicide. I was really amazed by the strength he had to pull it off. I could not fathom the level of depression he was in and till date it is unknown to me. I never had the strength again to read the news anything related to him.

 

My 15 days became 2 months when I finally had the courage to log in to social media. It was more 3 months before I had the courage to listen to a LP Song. As expected, I cried my eyes out the whole song.

 

My wife was pregnant at that time. If we had a boy, I had decided to call him Chester. Perhaps that would be the best way to honour him. I had lots of fight with my family regarding the name but I was adamant about the name for my boy. In the end, the time came to find out and I had a girl. The disappointment was in me but just that I could not honour him as I had thought I could with his name.

 

But today as my life is in darkness again, I cannot find the same solace in the songs as I used to. I tried to pretend that what had happened has not happened, but it made me sadder than ever. Not only I cannot find a sweet escape of my life; but the reality has set in, haunting me, taunting me, with every breath that I take.

 

Maybe that will be the best way to honour him. Maybe I will follow him on his path to meet my old friend.

Until then,

I miss you, Chester.

Author's Note

Thought to write the feeling finally.