Dear Diary #1

Ugh, a journal entry. Self-therapy, I guess.

Dear Diary,

 

I find it interesting that he actually understood and listened to what I was saying.  We went to Barnes and Noble and talked for four hours; the shortest four hours of my life.  If I could've kept talking to him, I probably would've until the store closed. I don't know, it was just something different and rather unusual for us to do. I feel like he actually understands me, and never really wants to give up on me. Our conversation made a complete 360, but I think it was for the better. I guess I'm just always overthinking and causing my own problems...or at least that's what I hope I'm doing. From all the frustration I've had with him lately, I started second guessing/over thinking whether I still loved him or not, simply because I didn't know whether or not a break-up would be the right thing to do. It's not that I don't love him, I just don't like the jealousy and sadness that I feel when I'm around him sometimes. Instead of making it a short and ominous "break-up" conversation, he sat down with me and asked me why I was feeling this way. I told him that I was "pretty sure" that I loved him, and that concerned him. I know I love him, I do, it's just that the issues that I struggle within myself I see in my relationship. We've been dating for almost one year and three months, so I guess I keep forgetting that all the 'newness' of the relationsip is over. I'm always spending time with him, so I'm just surrounding myself with him. He's still in high school, so he has outlets. Since I graduated, I don't really have any outlets anymore, so it would be in my best interest to find some.

 

Overall, I found this conversation rather inspiring because (as much as I don't believe this) he truly sees the best in me and loves me for who I am. He said this seems to be more of an emotion, and I hope he's right. I just want to feel better and go back to the way I was feeling before this; completely and totally in-love with my boyfriend. I mean I'm not interested in dating other guys (or atleast I'm 98% sure I'm not), so I know the problem is within my over-thinking and crap. I just pray that it is.

 

Sorry for writing this journal entry--I'm just speaking of my mind right now. I'm currently sitting in the school library and I originally came in here to check if my Michael Kors bag was delivered or not.

 

xoxo,

Kerri

Author's Note

This has no specific meaning to it, other than an average journal entry.