"Job Satisfaction"

Toiling for a living

Utterances of noise on the subway

Cramped together rubbing shoulder to shoulder to make it on time

Putrid odour of gossip fills the morning air

like stale cigarettes shared between bashful non-smokers

Banality is the topic of the day

Do I really need to know the price of baked beans

The papers are voicing the words of a singular view

I can't take off my rose-tinted glasses for fear of what I might see

I join the flock of sheep ready for slaughter

I might get lost on my own

and carry my six pound burden on my back

I'm off to paradise

I'm getting to paradise

I will spend the next ten hours in my cage enjoying paradise

I am off to work.  

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

Your vivid words bring alive the scene, the scents and sights flowing around us, and the feelings work can so often provoke. Very well done.

[LJW]

A telling scene. A telling scene indeed.

[Snuggles McClintock]

hmmm...interesting read Martin.
I do have a few notes for you:

"Cramped together rubbing shoulder to shoulder to make it on time"--loved this line, but feel it should be included on one line...your choice of text and font break it into two.

"Putrid odour of gossip fills the morning air"--you did a brave thing here by personifying gossip giving it an odour when it doesn't have one. There for, I would want a little idea of what that scent is to buy in. um like putrid odour of gossip fills the morning air like stale cigarettes shared between bashful non-smokers.

"A flock of sheep ready for the slaughter house
I join them for I might get lost if I go on my own"
I think these phrases could be tightened by removing the extra wording.

I join the flock of sheep ready for slaughter. I might get lost on my own.


I am told I'm off to paradise
I believe I'm getting to paradise
I will spend the next ten hours in my cage enjoying paradise
I am off to work.

Again some extra wording, I would remove I am told, I believe to have them read stronger

I'm off to paradise
I'm getting to paradise
I will spend the next ten hours in my cage enjoying paradise
I am off to work.

[Tate Morgan]

LOL WELL ISNT IT SOMETHING WE GO TO WORK TO SIT AT A DESK AND RUN A MACHINE WITH OUR BIG TOE.tHEN HIRE A TRAINER TO MAKE US WORKOUT AND FEEL ALIVE wE ARE SICK INDEED.dO WHAT THE SHEEP DONT .wALK DOWN THE STREET AND DREAM A THOUGHT OF YOUR OWN.nOT OF THE MEDIA.