Farewell

Why do love hurt so much?

I lived in a countryside town called, Castle Hill. The houses were built in stone with thick walls and roofs made from split natural stone tiles. They looked like they were built back in the medieval times. Although the town was surrounded by trees, it was always tidy and well-kept. The shops were elegant… Red Peonies; Bell Heather, Sea Campion and Sea Pinks flowers brought the town alive. Castle hill had a special place in my heart because of its tranquil atmosphere and its dazzling rivers. To me, it was an ideal place because the scenery was just picture-perfect.

 

I was looking forward to my fifteenth birthday. My childhood friend, Nana, was a charismatic female, who was also celebrating her fifteenth birthday within the same week; her birthday was two days before mine. She was truly a beaut, Gleaming black hair, dark brown eyes, pale brown skin and prepossessing pink lips. Just a gaze at her outstanding body would make a man submit. Her beauty was superlative, but everything about her was perplexing.

 

 It was difficult for us to see each other because we were miles apart. Regardless the distance between us, I’d always manage to be at her side when she needed me the most. She’d always give off a laugh whenever I crept near her window and cast small size stones upon it. Nana was quite the strange girl but had a bubbly personality and was always vibrant.

 

Whenever I paid her a visit, she would simper knowing that I would make her laugh. To me, it was more than just a visit. There were things I wanted to bring to her attention, because she was oblivious of what I had hanging below. When I tried to do so, the words got stuck in my throat�"so I kept my intentions concealed. I wanted to be more than just childhood friends, but the thought of her feeling uncomfortable made me feel uneasy. Although my body and heart hankered for her, I kept my feelings tucked away.

 

Our parents were best friends, so we basically grew up together. In her eyes, I was nothing more but little brother. The fact that she saw me in that way made my blood boiled. I wanted to do her things men did to the women when they were alone. The feeling of not being recognized as someone she could give her body, but as a brother, was dreadful.

 

Dirty thoughts pledged my mind. It couldn’t be helped; after all, it was Nana’s fault. Mondays and Fridays were her special days… it was when she treated with sadism. On Mondays, she wore laced bras and tight shorts. The urge for satisfaction always made its way under my skin, but I’d always give a joke, or laugh for no reason to maintain self-control.

 

I’d always fantasize about having sex with her. The thought of laying her on the bed and slowly running my fingers up her thigh while kissing her sugary lips, made me… but fantasies couldn’t become a reality. Fridays she wore T-shirts and cotton V Thongs, also known as what I called seductive panties. Goddammit, I often used my hands to compress my rising mountain.

 

Throughout our childhood we created memories we’ve come treasured, we had a special bond like no other. The day before the grand festival of lights, I garner my courage and confessed but ran off before she could have voiced a word. I waited for her at our secret spot. Waiting for her was nerve wrecking; Sweaty palms… my legs wouldn’t stop trembling. Frightened, it was too late to take back what I said. The thought of being rejected sent chills down my spine.

 

Footsteps echoed from behind. It was something straight out of a movie… I was left speechless.

The Loganberry dress made Nana dazzling. Her curly hair plunged over her shoulder, her glossy pink lipstick sparkled, and the dress displayed her soft legs beautifully.

 

“Sorry I’m late. By the way what’s wrong with your mouth?’ Nana inquired.

“N-N-Nana you look outstanding in that dress, but you winsome smile makes my heart melt.”

“I know you would like it,” said Nana.

I tried to avert my eyes, but I couldn’t stop ogling at her body.

I turned aside my head acting as if I was amazed by the night view.

 “Isn’t this view spectacular?” I inquired.

“It’s quite the view!” She gave a sarcastic reply. “Kenji, about your confession, is it ok if I give you my answer now?”

“Yes it is!”

I firmly closed my eyes awaiting her words.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t be with you.

                  

Her words did damage that a fist couldn’t have done.

Tears came rushing down my cheeks.

 Kneeling down on small fragments of rocks wasn’t painful as being rejected.

 “What’s wrong, Kenji?” She asked.

“Nothing… nothing at all,” I lied.

I didn’t want to voice another word… I was emotionally unstable.

 

I felt a warm embrace… her breast pressed against my back.

The scent of cologne smelled like the one I bought her for her fourteenth birthday.

“Remember when we were six years old we often used to say, ‘When we grow up, we’ll get married.’ Do you remember?”

I didn’t recall such a thing, but I couldn’t tell her that.

 

“Yes, I do,” I lied.

I felt a slight sting on ear.

“You’re bad at lying,” she figured.

“For some reason I can’t remember,” I confessed the truth.

“It’s ok, I didn’t expect you to, I didn’t say yes because we made a promise back then.”

 

“What promise?” I inquired.

“That on our fifteenth birthday, we would become…”

The words become echoed in my head.

“Go on, become what?

I was eager to know.

“Kenji, if I didn’t have you I wouldn’t be so jovial,” she dodge my question.  

Her words were so foxy that I melted… mere words could not describe how beatific I felt, but I remained puzzled.

“I love you, Nana!” I played along.

She emitted a sound like laughter.

“I know… I know you do.”

 

 

The moonlight gleamed clearly. A breathtaking view, a scene you would only find in a romantic movie.

“Kenji, look, it’s a shooting star, let’s make a wish.”

I didn’t believe in such fiction, but I closed my eyes and wished away.

There was only one thing I truly want in the world, and that was the person who stood next to me.

After the passing of the shooting start, we set off with a hug.

 

A Blinding light… I was dazzled by the blue sky�"it was a perfect day.

“It’s a good day to play by the riverside. Maybe Nana wants to play,” I thought to myself.

While I skipped my way to her house, a Michal’s moving truck zoom pass by.

“Who’d come to a country side?”

 By my surprise, Nana was running towards me with tears running down her face.

“What’s wrong?” I inquired, but she didn’t voice a word.

I pushed her hair back, her eyes blurred with tears.

“Talk to me, Nana, you know I hate it when you cry.”

 

Her actions said more than her words would.

It was one of the longest hugs I’d ever received from her. Somehow it felt as if she was saying goodbye.

“Nana, please tell me what’s wrong,” I begged.

 “It all came so sudden,” she sighed heavily. “We have to relocate due to Papa’s job. I told them I wanted to stay here until my fifteenth birthday, Mama agreed but Papa didn’t.”

 

“But you can’t go against your Papa,” I said.

I was devastated by the news. Even though I wasn’t happy about it, I fully agreed with her Papa, but Nana was a very persistent girl.

I smiled at her bearing the fact that we would not be together anymore.

“I want to stay here with Kenji;” Nana Said.

Her sugary words only made my pain worse.

I bestow upon her forehead a farewell kiss.

“I really don’t want to sunder from Kenji,” She cried out.

I rubbed her head gently.

 

“I don’t want to sunder from Nana neither.”

I didn’t want her to go there were many things I wanted to do with her but was too scared to voice it.

“Kenji, before I go. There’s something I always wanted to give you. Can you close your eyes for a minute?”

 

Saliva gathered in the corners of my lips while our tongue danced together, while she glided her hand down my jeans, grabbing a hold of my mountain. My mind went blank when she began moving her hand in a slow motion. My sexual desires were the only one being fed. I didn’t know whether or not she liked being touched. I slowly ran my fingers up her thigh hoping she would react. She began breathing heavily, and her kisses got wetter. Goddammit, her panties were already soaking wet.

She pushed me away. “Stop… stop, we can’t!”

“Why can’t we?” I asked.

“Kenji, I love you. I wanted you to be my first, but we can’t continue.”

The three letter word I wanted to hear on the day of my confession, she said it when I least expected it.

We held hands and set off for her home.

                

There was nothing I could have done. Nana, papa was very strict; he wouldn’t let her stay no matter how much she begged.

“Nana, where have you been? We’re going to be late!” Shout out her mama.

Her papa stared at me… It looked like a death stare.

“Get in the car! It’s about time we get going,” said her papa.

We slowly loosen our grip, knowing it was our last skin-ship, and the last time we’d get to see each other.

“Kenji, Let’s make an oath,” she said in a saccharine tone.

 “I don’t mind,” I agreed.

Nana emitted a sound like laughter.

“I’ll be gone for two years. When I return, let’s confess our love to each other no matter what,” she said while tears made their way down her cheeks.

I kissed her tears away.

“I, Kenji Kita, swear to confess my love to Nana Sato once more when we converge again.”

Nana blissfully smiled at me before closing the car door.

“Bye Kenji, until we meet again.”

From that day onwards, Nana and I have been living our life apart.

Even though our relationship came to a stop, our feeling for each other still went on.