Anxiety

A Story by Joshua Kepfer

A man with a disturbing secret is found out, and tries to face his problems.

I feel like I’m in a jail. Grey bricks are all around me, but even when I walk out of here, I’ll be trapped. Nowhere to really leave my jail, a Siberian prison of my mind.

Most of us have secrets. It was January 11^th when I first began to feel the unease of mine. Before that I wasn’t at all troubled. In fact, I barely remembered my secret at times, only in the back of my mind. You see, the chance of my secret being exposed was so small. It was impossible for anyone to find me out. Of course with my luck, it seemed someone did. Jerry knew. I don’t know how, but he found out some night when I was doing something I shouldn’t have. You don’t get to know what. I finally remembered my secret when I noticed him eyeing me one day across from my cubicle. He must have known! Somehow, he saw me. I hurriedly took my lunch break outside, wondering what to do about this. I could leave the country, I could kill him, I could confront him; make a deal; beg, I couldn’t do nothing. No, I could do nothing if it really was nothing. This could very well be a misunderstanding. He couldn’t have seen me! Maybe he wasn’t just eyeing me, but eyeing my goldfish that was now dead. Maybe he liked my tie, maybe he was gay. Maybe he was curious about the YouTube videos I was watching while trying to work. I took a few extra (18) minutes of my lunch break trying to relax, and headed back in the building. Jerry’s eyes spotted me immediately, and I rushed out of view. He knew, definitely! He knew my secret, the cursed fellow, how’d he find me? Was there a trail of ...no! There was no evidence; just the act. I’ll give you a hint: it involved knives. That’s not really a hint, though, knives can be used for so many different purposes!

Immediately after work I decided to confront him man-to-man. We exchanged a few routine pleasantries, but Jerry showed no sign that he knew anything, clever man! I finally made it threateningly clear that I knew what he knew about, and left it at that. That should scare him. He wouldn’t tell anyone would he?

It was the next day that really surprised me. I was working hard, just doing my job when I heard my name. I got up, and looked around, then I saw/heard such a terrible sight/sound. Jerry was gossiping with Belinda, the fat brunette, and my name was spoken! The nerve of the man! Of course, I had to assume the worst. My secret had been exposed. They both saw me staring, and right away their expressions changed. I needed no more proof. Now I needed action. Something had to be done about this. I walked out without bothering to reconnect my phone to its receiver. I needed to focus. The plan I soon came up with was simple enough: sneak into Jerry’s house that night, and smother him. Or kill him, if you thought smother meant some weird sex thing. I’m not gay, alright? I would suffocate him with a spare pillow or a towel, there was bound to be something in his home I could use. No evidence, no more evidence. Yes, it was perfect. No one would suspect me for this random murder, if it would even be named that. And Belinda, the fat, gossip girl would be too scared to tell anyone else my little secret.

This plan was literally flawless. I may actually be a genius. You should have seen how well my plan was executed. It was pitch black, but I am very comfortable in the dark (yet another hint to my secret). I picked his lock as smoothly as if I had a key, and inched it open so slowly that I had to slap myself to make sure I was still alive. Naturally, I didn’t shut the door, and I stalked ever so slowly through Jerry’s home. I reached his bedroom, and the only light I could see was the red 3:01 of his digital alarm. So stealthy I was, it took me almost 15 minutes to crawl the distance to his bed. As soon as I stood up, there was a noise. A yawn, a voice, two voices! Jerry was not alone! A light was flicked on, and the whole room was blindingly illuminated. The three of us were all too shocked to speak for a few moments. I learned two things that night as those poor, terrified faces stared up at me: that I’m not actually that good at reading people, and it turns out Jerry’s gay. Now there are two more secrets, and I'm actually in a jail. Stupid Belinda.