Paradise

Two of two poems I wrote about places.

Sitting on a hawaiian beach, sand between my toes.

The sun is lazily pulling itself over the horizon.

The subtle waves wash the sand clean,

Pulling the blackend, glass-filled sand in,

spitting in out fresh, ready for another day.

Night birds are getting sleepy,

pulling themselves in to a land of sleep,

where they will rest for the day.

 

Meanwhile, towards the south,

I can see dolphins slashing around the ocean,

far out in the distance.

Palm trees are swaying gently in the calm breeze,

a calm breeze that is entangled with 

the sweet scent of salt water. 

Through my peripheral vision,

I see you sleepily walking towards me.

I let loose a laugh because you,

like everything else in this wonderful place,

have only just risen.

Shaken from your dreamland,

only to wake up in another.

 

As you sit beside me,

I lean my head against your shoulder.

Your soft lips meet my nose,

and it seems that only now can my potential be released.

Because I have awakened. The world is now coming to life.

The soft flowing waves are like you,

so sweet and nice.

 

Just me and you. Sitting in paradise.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

This is based on a poem I wrote a while ago and decided my brain could do better, so I rewrote it. That's why it's so much better then NYC. That one I did not rewrite.

Reviews

[Priscilla Sayers]

A beautifully vivid scene produced by well written words. Calm washes over the reader as they are transported to Paradise. Wonderful job!

[♪The Girl Next Do..]

Thanks guys! And I'lll change that right now, Tom!

[devon]

Your imagery is delicate and gorgeous. I feel as if I'm there, and your writing is simply stunning.

Keep writing! I really enjoyed your writing!

:)

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Awesome imagery! I doubt I would be able to write something like this EVER. XD
The last stanza is simple amazing, and the endline even better!
The only thing that that poked my eyes are the seventh and eight lines of the first stanza, because they end with sleepy/sleep. Maybe you could change the word sleep into something like "dreams".
Excellent write!

[Drowning with Stars]

This is so beautiful. I feel as if I'm there, especially in the last two stanzas.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good day to be with a special person in paradise. I like the description and the place paradise. Thank you for the outstanding poem.
Coyote