Paradise

Two of two poems I wrote about places.

Sitting on a hawaiian beach, sand between my toes.

The sun is lazily pulling itself over the horizon.

The subtle waves wash the sand clean,

Pulling the blackend, glass-filled sand in,

spitting in out fresh, ready for another day.

Night birds are getting sleepy,

pulling themselves in to a land of sleep,

where they will rest for the day.

 

Meanwhile, towards the south,

I can see dolphins slashing around the ocean,

far out in the distance.

Palm trees are swaying gently in the calm breeze,

a calm breeze that is entangled with 

the sweet scent of salt water. 

Through my peripheral vision,

I see you sleepily walking towards me.

I let loose a laugh because you,

like everything else in this wonderful place,

have only just risen.

Shaken from your dreamland,

only to wake up in another.

 

As you sit beside me,

I lean my head against your shoulder.

Your soft lips meet my nose,

and it seems that only now can my potential be released.

Because I have awakened. The world is now coming to life.

The soft flowing waves are like you,

so sweet and nice.

 

Just me and you. Sitting in paradise.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

This is based on a poem I wrote a while ago and decided my brain could do better, so I rewrote it. That's why it's so much better then NYC. That one I did not rewrite.

Reviews

[Sujash I. Purna]

lovely write!

[♪The Girl Next Door♪]

Thanks!

[A. V. Madison]

You need to revise this to:

Sitting on a hawaiian beach, sand between my toes
Maddie is sitting next to me playing the ukelele badly
The sun is lazily pulling itself over the horizon.

and so on xD

[♪The Girl Next Door♪]

AWWWW YEAH! XD

[A. V. Madison]

WHOOP WHOOP

[♪The Girl Next Door♪]

Meow :)

[Harley (arbiter)]

I liked it. Great scene setting! (This Reminds me of "knee deep" by Zack brown band)

[narissa]

I have such emotion flooding through me right now and I want to tell you.

Firstly, I know nothing about writing...but I do read a lot. And I have spent a lot of time on beaches. You do such a great job of first setting the scene. So the reader totally feels like they're there. Then when the kiss on the nose happens, it's just so NOT a cliche kind of moment. I LOVE IT! When I read it crinkled my nose up and smiled. And then when I read the last line and took it all in I started tearing up.

This poem is so so beautiful. Apparently I do like poetry! Who knew?

[Wendy Seames Garner]

Beautifully descriptive, felt like I was there with you - awakened and ready to release my potential.

[Bare trees]

This is a really nice poem with nice images for the reader to contemplate. I like the dreamlike quality you've given it. Also, the last lie is such a nice way to end it. Nice job.

[aisling virginia]

I love this poem Kenzie!

[BatFan38]

I loved it!

[S. Michael Long]

oh my... i love the vivid and well thought out beach imagery.. i really pictured myself on the beach with the sand in my toes.. that is a very hard thing to do because it is soooo overdone, but somehow you manage to pull it of with prominence.. this is something to talk about!! good write! -s

[Simmirose]

great imagery! i saw it playing in my head. it was simple and delicate yet beautiful excellent work! :)