the pain I don't know

So. Confusing.

Author's Note

My brain is going crazy, thinking of anything and everything that could ever possibly happen. Will he love me? Will they break up, Will he ever care the way he did? Will they start dating? Would she be mad if... Will he still talk to me if... It's an absolute mad house up there. And apparently, 2:16 in the morning is the perfect time to not be able to stop thinking.
Next. Every time I read his texts, I get a pit in my stomach so deep that it hurts. Like physically pains me. And everytime I hear his voice, I try so hard not to just scream out loud how much I miss how we used to be. He might read this. You might read this. I don't?t really care. It might be about you, it might be about him. Either way, I didn't write it for you. I wrote it for me.
Don't even get me started on my heart. Emotional and physical pain take a major toll there. I see the way we used to talk. I keepit in my head. It's like reality's reminder of what I had. Lemon juice on an open cut.
But then he comes along. His words in my head...they stick there. I tell him what I know...not what I think. Because trusting no one is key. But sometimes you can't help it. There's no way though. He's already made it clear, she knows him better then anyone, he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. I don't want you to think of me as just another slug who thinks she's in love with you. It's not like that. I'm not like that. But I've never felt so strongly about a person so soon. I'll just be your friend. That's all I ever wanted.
Now, life is crazy. This pain is pants-on-head retarded. It hurts. It burns. But it doesn't scare me anymore. What really scares me...is the pain I don't know.
What happens when I actually have a boyfriend and he brakes up with me? What if I can't take the heat? What will I do when that amazing guy I met finds out I like him? And drops me on the ground like a dead body. No longer of use to him. I only wanted to help. What about when you completely forget about ie? What about when I see you again and you have a different girl under hour arm? That could've been me. But I had to do what was right. Now I'm upside down and I don't know pain from joy. Is this what I was born to do? No. Maybe. Yes. Because if the pain is any worse then this is....I'll give up before I have a chance to start.

Reviews

[Amanda]

Honestly, I don't like anyone(that I'll ever be able to have), so I can't tell you that this pain is irrational. Because it's not, no pain is irrational. But I think that you need to take the risk of getting hurt if it means getting over someone you want to be happy. If you can only be his friend, then be the BEST friend you could be, and maybe he'll return it. That's what you deserve at least.
“Sometimes crying or laughing are the only options left, and laughing feels better right now.”
― Veronica Roth, Divergent
I hope your laughing instead of crying, because you deserve it.

[♪The Girl Next Door♪]

Thank you so much. That helped a lot.

[Amanda]

Any time, girlie :P

[♪The Girl Next Door♪]

:D

[Harley (arbiter)]

Wow. That was a mouthful to say the least. I've asked those questions before. And I bet it feels good to get it out huh? Great job

[♪The Girl Next Door♪]

Yeah I feel a bit better. Thanks

[Harley (arbiter)]

Welcome. And if ya ever wanna talk I'm here... well I'm in arkansas but you get what I mean

[♪The Girl Next Door♪]

Yeah I get it :P Thanks buddy

[Harley (arbiter)]

Anytime! Literally cuz I don't think ill ever go to sleep again lol

[♪The Girl Next Door♪]

Lol! Do me a favor and try at least! :P

[Harley (arbiter)]

I already have. Multipule times. The only thing I got was that parody lol