The Lady With The Cigarette

The Lady With The Cigarette

A Poem by K.M

Last night
Was the first night I ever really felt alive 
As your lips touched mine
I came back to life
And all that s**t I called reality became irrelevant
Because in that moment it was just us
Nobody else
And while you lied on top of me
Shirtless, skin on skin
I was breathing in your breath
You felt so nice
And I knew I needed you
Because it seemed as if we were almost made for each other
Our bodies fit perfectly together
I felt like I belonged to you
Like we belonged together
And I didn't want it to end
But I guess you were just into the moment
Not into me

© 2016 K.M


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Featured Review

I wish your poem included something that ties it to the title, a well-stated title that could lend itself to this interesting little vignette. Your story in a poem works well to take the reader on this sad little journey of false anticipation & final disappointment. Her well-detailed fantasies during the encounter are nicely contrasted to the final realization, so harshly true-to-life.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I wish your poem included something that ties it to the title, a well-stated title that could lend itself to this interesting little vignette. Your story in a poem works well to take the reader on this sad little journey of false anticipation & final disappointment. Her well-detailed fantasies during the encounter are nicely contrasted to the final realization, so harshly true-to-life.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cigarettes and attempt at love. Cigarettes can give us peace and love make the mind go foolish and wishful.
"But I guess you were just into the moment
Not into me"
Funny how somethings can feel so good and not be real. Thank you Kenzie for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Love this!
I really like the title too!
Keep it up!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Critique: The sentence structure as you have it restricts the flow, I would like to offer you an editing sentence restructure if it won't offend you. This gives it better flow and reads more dramatically

Last night was the first night
That I ever really felt alive
As your lips touched mine
I came back to life
And all that s**t I called reality
Became irrelevant
Because in that moment
It was just us and nobody else
And while you lied on top of me
Shirtless, skin on skin
I was breathing in your breath
You felt so nice
And I knew I needed you
Because it seemed as if
We were almost made for each other
Our bodies fit perfectly together
I felt like I belonged to you
Like we belonged together
And I didn't want it to end
But I guess you were
Just into the moment
And not into me

Review: Good emotion viewed with the open-mindedness of the free love 60's, no regrets, no anger, no shame just open minded logic. I don't see this very often these days, it was refreshing and a pleasure to read Standing Ovation! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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4 Reviews
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Added on October 17, 2016
Last Updated on October 17, 2016

Author

K.M
K.M

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About
I am trying to write my own poetry book... so I need some serious feedback (: All of my poems are about things that have happened to me or people in my life. I hope you guys like my poetry. more..

Writing
Never First Never First

A Poem by K.M



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