I'm Fine

This one is for you
The only one that can make my heart beat
The only one that puts color in my cheeks
The only one that makes my dreams
This one is for you
The one that makes me cry
You are the one that makes my heart break every time it beats
You are the one who makes my eyes flood onto my cheeks
The only destroyer of my hopes and dreams
You are the one that made me realize that I am my only friend
I should give up before I give in
I should look before I fall
I should look down instead of up
But no
I chose this for myself
You are just the one that made it happen
And I'm sorry
I'm sorry for all the time we spent on Friday
I'm sorry for all those girls that called you bad names
I'm sorry for that time I killed you on Minecraft
But I guess this is life
And you live to die
And you die to live
I guess I'm not alright

Reviews

[shepard]

Hi Kenzie...
This is a great... a lot happens in a short piece, it is raw and concentrated. Powerful emotional projection.

As others have said, the line

"I'm sorry for the time I killed you on Minecraft"

is wonderful, it reminds us this is from a more youthful perspective. Youthful romance (even when jilted) is a subject in poetry that is always well received! This line eases the emotional tension you have built and transitions very well into your conclusion.


A poet paints emotional portraits with word and meter. And you have done very nice work.

You do need to fix your use of the word "Your".. "Your" is a possessive form of You. What you are conveying is the conjunction for the words "You are", which is "You're".

I find that while conjunctions are useful for regulating cadence, their informality tends to soften the impact of the individual words. In this case, consider the way the variations read:

You are the one that makes my heart break every time it beats
You are the one who makes my eyes flood onto my cheeks
The only destroyer of my hopes and dreams
You are the one that made me realize that I am my only friend

vs.

You're the one that makes my heart break every time it beats
You're the one who makes my eyes flood onto my cheeks
The only destroyer of my hopes and dreams
You're the one that made me realize that I am my only friend

If you are painting a poem, the conjunction exemplifies how composition can be used to alter hue and tone

Well done

[abegaelsun]

If you ever put together a poetry book, send me the link to the website to buy it! i absolutely love your writing. Never stop writing, doll. :)

[Richard Guimond]

another transparent soul, so translucid that the love One see right thru it like if you would be invisible to him Oh did i knew that feeling all thru me life You may be you but you describe an ageless feeling ! You may have describe a personal event but you describe what each of us at least once felt.
keep feeling keep writing,,,keep living !

[Nadia B.]

Really enjoyed the set up of your poem, how you control the first words of every sentence in the beginning, but then as the poem becomes sadder towards the end, the first words are here and there, not the same words being used in a pattern like at the top with "This, The, The, The, This, etc." The line "I'm sorry for all the time we spent on Friday," shows the significance the poem has, the secrets, but can also be confusing for the reader, because the reader has no idea what happened that Friday, does make one curious as well. I find it a very interesting line. Also love the ending, how you play with the words "live to die" and "die to live," generally people only focus on the one but you show the view of both, even in your whole poem. At the beginning you are living only to die but at the ending you know the situation is ending and you will live, even though it makes you sad. Also excellent play between the title of your poem and your last line, this was genius, showing how everything is connected. Awesome poem, thanks for sharing!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

.:) my favorite "im sorry for that time i killed you on Minecraft."
Im just kidding but that made me smile... this poem had lots of strength and emotion. It was very good and has a great flow as usual... :)
Awesome job Kenzie!

C. Lee Battaglia