Unbearable Ideas that MUST be Changed, Part 2

     Problems in the Algerian society have increased, careless people have been larger than any time before; and society is adding more salt to people's wounds. Women are suffering in silence, most men, with high educational degrees or without ,are drowning by walls, but no-one can help, children have been harshly deprived from most of their rights, a lot of new rules brightly appeared instead of Islamic right principles, and every single piece of the Algerian society is terrifically moving dizzily.

 Spinsterhood has become a sign for mortification in the Algerian society. Some rural families refer to a girl who reaches twenty years old and has not got married yet as "bayra" ,which is a word used to describe a spinster. While other urban societies would call a girl like that when she is thirty years old and more . Spinsterhood is a bloody ghost which is turning the lives of many girls in the Algerian society into gloomy darkness. The National Office for Statistics shows that we have five million women, who exceeded thirty five years old and have not got married yet. As a whole, the number of spinsters in Algeria is 11 million which is a very high percentage compared to the total number of the Algerian population which is 36.3 million. Eleven million is the total number of the population of five Gulf countries put together. Here we may stop and wonder about the reasons that led to such a catastrophe.  

  

 Joblessness, exaggerated dowries and the expensive costs of marriage can be considered the main reasons for spinsterhood. Even though Algeria is a rich country that embodies diverting natural resources such as oil, thousands of men still have no jobs .Therefore, with no permanent jobs, men are not even able to think of building a family, having children or constructing a small home to live in. Moreover, the bride's family, at least a large number of them, usually impose some terrific conditions on the groom's' family, like demanding different kinds of golden jewelries which must be brought specifically for their daughters, the brides. Such horrible conditions have become manacles for men and a source for their preference for loneliness rather than facing such shocking demands. Additionally, some Algerian families have created a different kind of competition among one another, they frequently fight to make extraordinary weddings which no one has ever made like before. For example, it must be done in the most famous and expensive hall in the city, they have to take the most expensive jewelries to their brides, spend millions to prepare delicious dishes, invite the largest number of guests and most of all the groom has to think of spending the honey moon in a European or Asian country such as Turkey. How, then, comes that a jobless or a simple man will be to pay for all these expenses?

 In addition to the previously mentioned reasons,   Men also share some responsibility in the spread of this phenomenon. When they face difficult circumstances mainly at home, boys are usually obliged to quit studying. Moreover, it goes without saying that many boys do not like studying and often stop going to schools at an early age. On the other hand, women go farther to obtain higher degrees, and here we notice a large gap between both genders. Accordingly, an educated girl is usually scared of getting married to a man who has a low educational level since, she thinks, he may deal with her violently and kills that sense of ambition and uniqueness inside her soul. Similarly, men frequently think that women with high educational level are arrogant and therefore living with them is something that is impossible. Furthermore, Algerian young men have a specific way of thinking since they think that chasing foreign women to get married to, even if they are older than them, is the right solution that would help them get rid of their social and economic sufferings because it is a secured way of getting an opportunity to live and work abroad, since the wife in this case provides her husband with the "papers" as it is called here that allow him to stay with her in her country.

 

 

Spinsterhood has very dangerous effects on women who are considered "guilty beings" by society. Most spinsters are living in a miserable world with permanent guests which are depression, great despair and sadness, deprivation, frustration, and isolation. Shockingly, society is the only criminal for causing that hurtful pain to them even if they have done nothing, but undeniably it is their created fate. This point reminds me of my cousin who is thirty five years old but has not got married yet. She usually does not like going to wedding parties even those of her relatives , I was always wondering about the causes that led her to her isolation until she told me with great misery her story. She said ," the time I used to go to wedding parties, women used to  look at me and whisper whenever they saw me! I did NOT feel comfortable at any party I attended. One day , and while I was chatting with my friends , it was my cousin's wedding, I heard a group of women saying that I exceeded the right age of  marriage and no-one would ever think to marry me. From that time on I decided not to go to any wedding party". 

 

 Consequently, in addition to all these psychological problems, this pressure that has been put on spinsters by society has led to another unacceptable problem which is the wide spread of witchcraft, unfortunately; the main investors are, not all, those spinsters. Society usually blames those women cruelly, and points the finger at them as if they are culpable or as if it is their deliberate choice that they are spinsters. After a deep fight and bottomless quarrels inside some spinsters' souls, they found that witches are their only help to divest themselves of such accusation and pressure. Therefore, that unique special trade, witchcraft, emerged, which is made exclusively for those spinsters, so they run into a dirty world in which they cannot breath easily and never see clearly, but hear fake wrong words concerning their future like, "you are going to get married after one month!" .

 

   

     The widespread of spinsterhood has quietly convinced some parents all over Algeria to marry their daughters off at an early age and this led to another problem which is early marriage. Some parents ,especially those who live in rural cities, refuse to have spinsters at home; thus, the only solution for that is getting those innocent immature daughters married .A new fashionable and modish idea has flourished recently, in some parts of Algeria, that says men prefer to marry very young girls, starting from fourteen to nineteen years old. While those twenty-year old women and more are like infertile soil that is of poor quality, unnecessary or not wanted. For that reason, most thirty to thirty seven years old men, who have married lately, are married to sixteen or seventeen years old girls. Those parents have not stopped at pushing their daughters to hell, but most of them agree to marry their young daughters off to old men because compared to the girls' very young age; a man who is thirty five is very old. 

 

    

     Psychology puts strong emphasis on childhood period as it may affect the child's personality in the future, either positively or negatively. Childhood is generally composed of three stages, early childhood that stretches from two to six years old, middle childhood starting from seven-year old to the adolescence period; and finally late childhood that continues from the adolescence to puberty which is precisely fixed as eighteen years old. However, parents are not allowing their children to live this very important period and instead of encouraging them to enjoy every single moment happily with loud laughters, playing games, having friends and discovering the world, they regularly invite them to houses with closed doors in which they would end up crying days and nights, having no idea about strong personalities, and unable to bear the responsibilities of marriage. Parents are taking their children's happiness away, taking their rights of enjoying childhood and that will with no doubt affect them negatively, psychologically and behaviorally. Those children, I may call them victims, would be less responsible as they are not mature enough, unable to raise their children in a good way as they themselves still need to be educated, and incapable to adjust with the new environment.   

  

    A lot of parents, in some Algerian cities, usually share different ideas such as "the end of all girls is home" or "the only safe place for every girl is her husband home." So they generally do not allow their daughters to study in order to speed up their chances of getting married so early. Interestingly, there is another reason for stopping them studying which is that some of the Algerian families do not agree to let their sons get married to girls who have studied at university since, as those families usually think, girls who lived far away from their families, at campus, are guilty of committing unacceptable and shameful deeds, such as having indecent relationships with men. Therefore, giving their daughters the opportunity to study at university may reduce the probability of getting a groom. Additionally, some families do not permit their sons to marry working women. Here, I may say, that women's only job, in some cities, is to do nothing but raise children and do all the house-chores. At this point, I may wonder, is this fair? 

 

   

 Early marriage has not been a good solution for spinsterhood as it created another dilemma which is Divorce. Most the divorce cases in the Algerian courts are those young generations, under eighteen years old. More significantly, statistics have shown that 10% of the Arabic divorced women are less than nineteen years old. 

   

       Women generally should not swallow their pride, but should fight for their dignity and feelings because they are not a soil on which men can tread on while enjoying their moments. Millions of Algerian women have heard their husbands talking to their girlfriends by phone while they are sitting in their rooms, a lot of women saw their husbands with girls outside, uncountable number of women are suffering because their husbands do not get back home at night simply because they are attending parties in bars or brothels, enjoying high degrees of filthiness.

    

  We have another group of men who are making their wives' lives so miserable through treating them cruelly, and being violent in the way they deal with them.Furthermore, there is another kind of men who have weak personalities, which is anunacceptable genre of men for a lot of women. All of these are reasons for demanding divorce. Interestingly, the time one of those unhappy women asks for divorce; rejection would be the answer and no one can ever push that husband to give his consent to this request, however; the time he feels that he wants to divorce her; he would do it so easily. 

 

 Since there is, almost, no hope of getting those spouses together again under one roof and in the presence of men's rejection of setting women free by divorcing them, a solution had to be looked for. Therefore, a new law was passed in 2005 which is called '' Khula'' that is a woman's right to seek a divorce from her husband when he refuses to grant it to her. Years ago, thousands of women were dying in great despair, shouting in silence under the refusal of men who do not want to divorce them. Those men usually remarried, built new families and lived happily with their second family as if the first wives were not alive. Moreover, they wouldn't even give them money by which they can feed their children. More importantly, Society at that time was carelessly sleeping and holding placards saying "It's not my business!''. But later on the Khula has been a caring person by the side of women. 

 

 The Algerian courts are marking down unbelievable numbers of " divorces" and '' Khula" ,Fifteen thousand cases of  Khula and sixty five  thousand cases of divorce yearly. 

    Moderation and being balanced in every single aspect of life is what Islam convinces his followers to uphold all the time. Unfortunately, we are living in a society in which most people do NOT represent Islam at all. Islam teaches us that dowry, for instance , has to be made effortlessly simple so that our prophet Mohamed, peace be upon him , once said to his companion " Ali " , " Even if you have an iron ring, give it to woman as dowry ", (Elboukhari and Muslim). Even though the prophet's words are understandable, comprehensible and clear, but the Algerian people have been artful in increasing dowries whenever possible, and become proudly boastful to put terrific dowries that simple people can never afford. 

    Witchcraft is another wrecking sinful phenomenon that has taken an observable place in our society lately. Islam is based on the belief that no one can ever know the future or have an idea about it except as the Quran states that even the last prophet Mohamed, peace be upon him, does not know the unseen. God proves that in many verses in Quran such as ,"He (alone) knows the Unseen, nor does He make any one acquainted with His Mysteries"- (Surah Al-Jinn, 26). 

 

 We are going down, thus we have to make people aware of this fact and convince them of the necessity of making change before regret bells alarm and at that time no one can make things better because EVERY aspect of society would be a symbol for blindness, darkness and decadence.

 Kenza Salmi

Author's Note

Your feedback is a very important thing for me. I would appreciate it if you give me some pieces of advice.

Reviews

[Duncan Brown]

France France France.................

[Myenigma]

I'm very impressed with your English grammar and writing. How you use vivid pictures and idioms. I assume English is your second or third language?

Also does Algeria allow kids to quit school if they want too?

[kenza salmi]

Thanks a billion for your review..... Yes it is my 2nd lge ...Yeah, when boys want to quit studying ,no-one can stop them lol.What about your country???

[Myenigma]

It's mandatory but once an individual reaches the age of 18 he becomes an adult and is responsible for his own decisions. Some states allow them to drop out from school at age 16 or 17 while others would require parental consent. I think that how it is lol.... theres also alternatives like homeschooling or just taking state exit exams.

I really liked school when I was growing up and I would also understand why others would not. But I think education is important because it gives us like an extra perk in life to understand others, to even help them, to even under life itself better :) in the end thats what were experiencing and thats why I like learning lol.

[kenza salmi]

mm I do like your point of view ...AS you said never think to stop learning, ever !

[kenza salmi]

Indeeeeeeed.....If you want more I am ready to Hhhhhhhhh lol

[Myenigma]

i was kidding, i didn't think i posted lol

[Myenigma]

but yea the more perks the better...i would think..

[kenza salmi]

HHhhhhh aaaaa you would think first, so you turned down my invitation , right ? lol

[Char'els Beanland]

From the American view I have when I look at this piece of work, I can not help but think that you would do wonderfully well s a journalist either for a news paper or magazine like Time Life. The perspective and thoughts you have are personal, clear and refreshing. You take the reader into your breast and arms to shear the thoughts and hearts in the words you convey.

Unfortunately I fear for you because of Islam. Strong, thoughtful and talented women are not looked on in a favorable way. Which in my opinion is very sad for their loss.

YOU HAVE great talent.

[kenza salmi]

I am really happy cuz I made u feel what we're living hahaha

...Thanks Charles so much...No dear I think that you don't have the right view of Islam, it's not Islam which is saying don't give women this and that, but till now it's the only one, I may say, that has given us every single right we need or want..But, through time people started creating new LAWS and unbearable ideologies for women cuz of that we are, young women, seeking to make those people , I talked about, take a deep look at Quran and Hadith; again, to get the right points of Islam concerning women....

If you take a look at Quran and Hadith, you'll find mervalous stories about women as, for example, our prophet Mohamed, peace be upon him, was dealing with his daughters, wives and people around him is a flexible and wonderful way, he gave them all the freedom to do things, loved them as much as no one ever did, does, or will do...he was really Merciful and supportive...

I would like one day to write about Islam and the stereotypes that is well known about it for you , non-Muslims...

I talked too much hahaha , again Thank you so much for your review and for making time to do it ..

[Myenigma]

I agree with charles, your a journalist but also an activist. It's hard to be a mediator and to write about both sides of the story on social issues. I could see you want for change, acceptance and equality.

My question is if there are other writers that write about this and if this stories are in the news?

Never stop learning and/or writing :).

[kenza salmi]

Thank you so much for your comment and for making time to read my humble piece of writing ...Yes, there are a lot of writers, mainly journalists, who write about this, but most of them inn Arabic...I promise that I will never stop WRITING, it's the thing that I like MOST ..Again, thanks a lot.

[Myenigma]

Awesome! Words are powerful. I would help you with what I can with your writings.