Rant 1234

A Story by Kendrick Lem

assignments in class

#1 Pedestrian vs. Driver

Of all days I just "happen" to cross the crosswalk with you attempting to drive through that fateful day. With your thick, fat glasses, which is probably the width of my thumb that cover your dull shaded iris. I do have to say that your thin-lined haired precedes your extremely precocious- and I dare say saggy body. But soft, how I love your generation and the tall historical tales that start with, "When I was your age my boy..." that come with you all. Anyways, so I was "in your way", even though the light was red and YOU were supposed to stop behind the line. Although there might not even be a brick in that skull of yours, at least I implied that there was an apology between your beautiful yapping.

#2 My Old Auntie Em

I used to have a red Macaw called Bob. He probably hated that name and wanted to take revenge against me. He would almost never stop yapping and barking. Oblivious to the world, he got out of his cage and starting flying like a rabid bird. Not knowing that windows were actually "real" , he flew straight into it, damaging his skill. Now Bob gets freaked out by new technology that we put in our living room like a new TV or a fan. He puffs up like a ball, as if he is being threatened. Stupid bird. Oh wait, that's not a bird, its you Auntie Em- with your constant nagging and your prehistoric mind that bothers me. Even Betty White knows what Twitter is!

#3 Okay, Maybe I'm Going Overboard

She always bragged about how much better she was at EVERYTHING, whether it was math or swimming or video games , well maybe not everything. My eyebrows were much more defined than hers and I'm a guy. Just her presence alone made me want to dash twenty miles away from her and trust me I don't even like running that much. Her mere snicker was in fact the cackle of the Wicked Witch of the West. However, it perhaps was not her that I hated, maybe it's the fact that we have the same name..."Taylor, meet Taylor"

#4 Where is that Puppy in the Window?

Can my mother drive even slower than she normally does?! I want to see her now! I run around my living room, letting off this excess energy, but of course that doesn't work; in fact my adrenaline pumps even harder in my bloodstream. I evade every corner and armrest the furniture tries to throw at me but my ADHD stops me, and I "teleport" to where she is going to stay and snatch her bed and toys and bring it to the door where I know that they will enter. Crap, this excitement is making me want to piss my pants. Crap, I better cross my legs and wait patiently cause I mean come on, waiting for my puppy is better than peeing.

© 2014 Kendrick Lem

Author's Note

excuse my immature language and diction. I try to use a variety of point of views. Also, I do have to say that I love my Aunt Em and old people- I just like to over exaggerate

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Reviews

pastors03

I laughed, I cried, the different stories gave me so many different emotions, like being on a roller coaster ride. I really enjoyed reading your stories and just like a roller coaster ride as quick as they begin it's over and you really want another ride. Please don't stop writing. Thank you so much Kendrick for Rant1234...pastors03