The Falling

It’s all about the Falling. It’s all about the new and shiny things you learn about that person that just makes them more.

In Falling, our thoughts radiate around them. Things that have nothing to do with them suddenly start reminding you of them. Ridiculous things. Things that don’t even make sense. Like finding shoes at the store and they are a few shades away in color but they kind of remind you of their shoes, even though these are boots and theirs are chucks.

In Falling, they are brighter. And it’s like their body is a planet and you are sucked down by the gravity of the Falling. They smell wonderful and delicious. Their hair looks constantly adorable, especially when you mess it up. They are funnier than anyone you have ever met, or maybe not funnier, but you appreciate their jokes more because it’s theirs and they are sharing it with you.

In Falling, flaws are ignored or seen as things that make them unique. You deal with it. In Real Falling, these flaws stop being flaws. You may still not like it, but when they do it you don’t mind. Because you accept them and you accept their flaws and you don’t want them to change because then they would be a different version of themselves, a less version. And you are Falling for the more version.

In Falling, you realize truths about yourself. What you’re willing to give, how much of yourself to put at the risk of getting hurt. When you’re already broken, you take longer to decide. You put more of yourself in at different increments. Being cautious, being awkward. Suffering through the uncomfortableness because it’s them and maybe they are worth it, god you hope they are worth it.

In Falling, just touch is exciting. Kisses are like gifts being given to the undeserving you. Starving for them until you can get them again, and even then it is never enough. Sex is gasping for breath, getting lost in the touches, losing the ability to control your body. You stop caring about showing that you are Falling because you can’t keep it hidden. Not when bare shoulders are getting bitten and necks are getting fluttering kisses and ears, oh the ears, are getting warm ragged breaths and hearing soft moans. The more passion from the Falling, the better the sex. So you keep fueling that burning-white fire.

In Falling, you allow mistakes because you are making your own. But you learn. You learn how to communicate. You learn what they find acceptable or despicable. You learn what makes them laugh, what makes them miss home, what makes them hurt. You learn because you want to know everything about them that they are willing to tell you and probably a lot of things that they aren’t. You learn because they have a past that doesn’t include you and you wish you could have always been there for them.

In Falling, you create excuses to see them whenever you can. You don’t care that they have a life outside of you because you do too, but when the chance arises, you don’t find reasons why you can’t, you find reasons why you can. And when you aren’t with them, there is a dull aching of loneliness ever present in the back of your mind. Sometimes you barely feel it and other times it crashes into you like the tide coming in, pulling you under and twisting you around and around, leaving you speechless. Like what the f**k is happening right now. Sometimes you do not even know about the Falling until you have an episode of Missing.

In Falling, you have to figure out priorities all over again. Friendships, school, work, family. Responsibilities like to get in the way of your Falling. A lot of people choose to put their friends and other Before-Them obligations in the backseat. But you don’t want that. Find out early in the Falling that other relationships are still vital, because they are. As much as the Missing sucks, having these other relationships are things you need to keep.

In Falling, you are scared, fascinated, transfixed, distracted, elated, confused, worried, hopeful and hopeless. Your feelings are often contradictory because of the learning and the Missing and the being broken Before-Them.

In Falling, you don’t want to land.

Not unless it’s with them.

It’s all about the Falling because that is the most important part. They don’t call it rising in love.