once its gone, its gone

There never was a time Claire could remember when she had her sanity, but when she finally thinks she will find it, the only thing that's found is answers to unasked questions.

i was always abnormal, the way the family blood was run i was bound to be. my slicked back black hair and glowing envious appearing green eyes were almost unfathomable to any seeing eye. everyday i would watch the people as they crossed over the streets, driving by in there old loud cars and tossing newspapers at house doors, it was entertainment for me really. it had given me joy to see that people in the world had still help on to that small thread of happiness that i had long ago let slip from my fingertips. 

no one liked me,except for the neighbors. on the rare occasion that i left my dungeon like room, it was to see the neighbors. there cheery blonde son was around my age and seemed to feel like he wanted to help me catch that happiness thread. he would always tell me why it was good to be happy, he would tell me of the times he had frolicked around on a playground, or the times when he had spray painted a school. it made me confused by the definition of happiness, being as if doing something to harm a school would give anyone joy was beyond my imagination. yet it was something i submerged myself into learning. his sisters and i were close as well, her quiet personality let me feel like i wasnt as lost as lost as i had presumed. she was bright i could sense, and on the rare occasion she spoke, it was purely words of wisdom or something you couldnt possibly forget. i remember the time the neighbor, jay, had told me one of our daily rituals of happy stories, and she had came up to us like she was so lost. she wispered into thin air her air like words,

"i can see the sun too, jay"

her words made such little sense but left an impact on me that only made my curiousity for the answer splurge to absurdness. 

"is it possible to ever be to lost jay?" i had lost my train of thought and quickly grabbed a hold of the present happenings. i loved the way he reacted to my questions, never with a wonder or curiousity but of an odd look of plain...understanding. 

"if your physically lost, you can be found, if your mentally lost, your gone forever. so yes i would say"

he examined the pencil i was holding, staring his pupils at the broken lead at the middle of the stub like utensil. 

"were you ever lost?" my question wasnt strange. to us it was an everyday thing, no question was to strenuous to answer of to unfathomble to wonder why someone would ever ask such things.

"both ways yes"

his answer confused me, like many of the things he had said. he was so mentally here that it was impossible that he was ever lost, and once your lost you dont come back, you can try, but you wont see the light of sanity. i changed the subject, knowing by my asking of an explenation it would lead to more questionable questions in my mind.

his sister,coral, sat perched on the video game chair, smiling at the blank tv, her strawberry blonde hair standing up in its ends from the electric static. "i found away" she smiled and continued to talk to the tv, she mostly talked to things that couldnt here her back. i understood why, speaking to someone wwas to streuous for her thin line of sanity that would split any day. 

"i remember when i first saw the movie, The Woman in Black, i remember screaming in the quietest parts of the movie, i was so jumpy, as soon as i left i wet my pants"

it was one of jay's stories. the ones he told me, and i soaked into my mind like a sponge.

"how are you always so happy?" i ask. he gives me the look, the one he gives all my questions, the ,that's an understandable question, look. 

"i always am Claire, always. there's no need to be sad, if you're sad you will be locked into an assylum and you wont come out even if they tell you you will"

his words sometimes spooked me, even in his happy tones he spoke when he said them.but it was all in good fun for him. Coral grabbed the TV sides and pretended to raise the muted volume. "i'm stuck here forever too, maybe you will be aloud out soon." she stroked the tv set once more, not knowing he was insane. sometimes i wondered if she was sane though, maybe the TV did talk to her. the thought had found its way to my mind multiple times but u brushed it off thinking it was to confusing. 

i lifted up my chair to slide out from under my rear, the scratching on the tile floor bothered me. i sat myself down next to coral who refused to look at me. today was one of her good days too. she would have days when she talked more than normal and than later would do the brotherly thing and tell her to stop because it messed with her mind. 

"who's in the TV Coral?"

i could see jays concern in his eyes, but it looked of mostly restlessness. he letter her talk for this once knowing she wouldnt say much today. she turned her head only slightly. revealing only a small corner of her eyes. 

"the one trapped here in the asylum with us Claire"

her words spooked me, i could see the redness in her eyes from the now static TV screen. it was things like this she said that made me worry for her. 

"whats in the assylum?" i asked.

i could clearly see Jay passed out on the kitchen table with his cands wrapped to hold up his head. 

"the assylum is what holds everything good, once you walk into this house, something you love is taken and never returned. you lost your happiness. and once its gone it doesnt come back"

Author's Note

i apologize on my grammer and punctuation! im 14 so chill(;